Week 7 Awards, Apologies from the Commish

Well kids, if any of you are apart of the keeper baseball league, you'll remember awards started by Ben called Poop Sundaes.  Let's just say that my life was the embodiment of a poop sundae.  From the last time we spoke with you, my truck's passenger door was crushed by my boss at work.  Then a few days later, my wallet was stolen.  Not to bore you with the details, but I pretty much have no way to prove that I exist.  So needless to say, it's been a stressful time.  I apologize completely for not writing last week. I let you all down.  Short of death, my place is with my readers.  Ok, not really... but I'm watching hockey and I'm getting woozy.

Seriously... Matt... I hope you feel good about the trades you've been making this year.  Because I feel like you're killing me slowly.  Kevin didn't need any more legit players.  I hope Steve Slaton is all you ever wanted.

Perhaps it's better that I haven't written that much lately.  The Cowboys are starting to tank, Romo is falling apart and the Dodgers lost in 5 to the gay Phillies (more of that later).  Pretty much nothing in life is working out right now, except the Ben/Britton combo did eek out a victory over the winless Don (you have no idea how much we sweated out being the first team to lose to him).

One wonders if Cory and Kevin play for the Phillies.  This writer certainly believes they would have accommodated Mr. Stairs just the way he wanted...




I know some of you are more "conference" lovers than "team" lovers in college football, so maybe you're nerdy enough to have seen this happen in real time. I for one, was too busy crying into my tri tip. The SEC claims that this referee did everything he could do to get out of the way of the South Carolina QB. We happen to think that when you're a former linebacker from the University of Kentucky, you're always going to be out to hurt somebody.






And somewhere around the world, Tiger Woods is caddying for another depressed businessman.




Who are you voting for? You know there's an election, right?




On to the awards? Why the frick not? You racists.


Ultimate Fantasy Roster Week 7

QB- Kyle Orton, 21.0 (Don...would you believe this is Orton's 2ND AWARD?)
RB- Steven Jackson, 36.0 (Nick)
RB- LenDale White, 32.5 (Jerad)
WR- Calvin Johnson, 24.0 (Doug)
WR- Steve Smith, 21.0 (David)
W/R- Adrian Peterson, 24.5 (Dan)
W/R- Chris Johnson, 23.0 (STL!!!)
TE- Owen Daniels, 21.0 (Kevin)
K- Robbie Gould, 13.0 (STL!!!)
DEF- Chicago, 22.0 (Ryan)

Player of the Week: Steven Jackson (Nick)

The Brady Memorial Worst Roster of the Week (that was on a starting roster)

QB- Brett Favre, 1.0 (Dan)
RB- Ronnie Brown, 2.5 (Cory)
RB- Kolby Smith, 3.0 (Dan)
WR- Roy Williams, 0.0 (Don)
WR- Marques Colston, 0.0 (Ryan)
TE- Vernon Davis, 0.5 (Matt)
W/R- Jerricho Cotchery, 0.5 (Nick)
W/R- Bobby Engram, 0.5 (Kevin)
K- Matt Prater, 1.0 (Cory)
DEF- San Diego, 0.0 (Jerad)

The Least Valuable Player of the Week - Marques Colston (Ryan)
___________________________________________________________ 

The "Matt Escher Team of the Week":  Kevin, 118.5

The "Ryan Root Worst Team of the Week":  Cory, 81.0

The "Sweep-punked" Award (best team to still lose): David, 113.0

The "Big Balls" Award (worst team to still win): Reid, 103.0

The "Yahoo!" Bust of the Week Award: Cory, 34 points below projection

The "Yahoo!" Screw You Team of the Week: Dan, 11 points above projection