I had several misses last week, the least of which was Marion Barber (c'mon Cowboys get him more than eight carries this week!) but at least I hit the jackpot predicting Rashard Mendenhall would be Dan's LVP.
Sorry Dan. Rashard can't come out to play anymore. He's grounded.
In other news our defending champ can't seem to find his manhood. Who did this to you Matt?
Ok, onto this week's predictions.
Also I feel as if I need to preface this blog by letting you know that I'm writing it while watching the Dodgers' game. Manny just struck out. I'm pissed. I think he said "That was a ball" regarding strike two at least 12 times.
Anyway...
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The 'I'm Only Winning If We are Playing USC' Tier
(Teams that can't be ranked low enough)
12) Longies
I love that the only likely scenario in which Don finally gets a win would be actually playing USC. Lord knows he can't beat anyone else. I think it's finally time to drop the 'expansion' out of your title of 'most inferior expansion team.'
You're just the worst team. Period.
MVP- Ehh, I guess Greg Jennings. I still find it hard to pick any player on this team to be excellent.
LVP- Roddy White, for many reasons: he's not very good, his QB is completely unreliable, the Falcons are playing Green Bay... blah blah blah, pick a reason out of a hat. Regardless I don't see White above single digits.
Doghouse Dandy- It's a tie. Roy Williams and Carson Palmer have been equally atrocious with 19 points apiece. Palmer sucks, period. Who would have guessed that Don's best Lions' player would have been Kevin Smith?
By the by the Cubs' infield are currently giving Don's bunch a run for biggest let down. They just booted three consecutive grounders. Yikes.
11) Obama's Mama
When you are the defending champ and you have a guy with the word breast in his name, in your line up, one realizes two things.
First, you realize why you haven't won a game yet.
Second you realize why Cory Ritzau and Ryan Root are getting more love in the rankings.
MVP- Peyton Manning is going to be whispering "it will be there forever" in Matt's ear as he does all he can to propel Matt to victory (good luck) as he eats Houston alive.
LVP- Vernon Davis, because Matt obviously isn't going to gain any respect back by picking up and playing Ryan Root's castaways.
Doghouse Dandy- If it's possible to have a guy in your doghouse that you just traded for this is the first case. Torry Holt is aging faster than Marvin Harrison, post knee surgery. That's saying something.
The 'Alec Baldwin In The Cat In The Hat' Tier
(Teams that clearly haven't reached their potential)
10) Cedric Benson4Pres.
I wanted to drop Root all the way down to the first tier. The feel good story has deflated. If Root can beat Dan, I'll move him back up a tier or two. If he doesn't though, Root will find himself square in the eye of the hurricane that is the worst teams in our league.
Good luck Ryan. You're going to need it.
MVP- Really Ryan himself should win this award retroactively for finally dumping the abusive girlfriend that was Vernon Davis. Those two have been going steady for two and a half years, but Ryan finally had enough.
Frick, I have to pick an MVP don't I. Fine, let's just go with Joseph Addai and be done with it.
LVP- Gage, Walter, Royal, all great picks, but not mine. Matt Ryan should finally unseat Derek Anderson as the worst played QB for a given week.
Doghouse Dandy- Now that resident Dandy, Vernon Davis, has exited the premises this award has been opened up to the masses. It has to be either Derek Anderson or DeAngelo Williams, and I'm going with DAW. I'm pretty sure Ryan was expecting a little more when he pulled the trigger on a preseason trade that sent Plaxico Burress and the No. 1 pick (Darren McFadden) for Joseph Addai and DAW.
The 'Keanu Reeves Everyone Knows I Suck, But At Least I Made Point Break' Tier
(Teams that will be bad, but have had a little luck)
9) Bye Bye Brady
Ritz, I'm impressed you've had some good luck. There is virtually no chance this lasts. Two weeks ago it was Ronnie Brown, last week it was Coles. This week... well this week I don't see it.
MVP- Tenn. Def. Because they are playing the Ravens and because I won't be able to find things that are right with the universe if another Ritzau player goes nuts again.
LVP- Ronnie Brown. Take note Cory this is where I'm naming Brown your LVP. The week he went off on your Pats I simply said he'd suck. Now I'm saying he'll be your worst.
Doghouse Dandy- Wes Welker should have more than 22.5 points. He should, yet he doesn't. Welker finally replaces Brady as the resident team dog.
8) Big Balls
Reid has two wins, but I'm just as unimpressed with this team now as I was last week. I told you last week I needed to see one more win before I'd start believing. I'm still waiting man.
MVP- Phillip Rivers. Once again, it will be the Phillip Rivers show, and Reid will just be attending it.
LVP- Ricky Williams. I'm scratching my head as to why Williams is starting this week.
Doghouse Dandy- Bernard Berrian. I don't really have anything else to say.
If I try and force it I can say Berrian was likely taught English by my mom at Winton Middle School. He attended at the time she was one of two English teachers, therefor he likely learned from her.
That definitely was an example of me forcing it.
The 'This Tier Is Specifically Created Based Upon A Certain Upcoming Win' Tier
(For teams with Ryan Root on their schedule)
7) First Down Syndrome
The name of the tier says it all. Dan should be lower, but since he's playing Root next week I pre-empting the inevitable which is a certain victory.
MVP- I'm currently sitting next to Dan, so I'll let him make his own pick for this week's MVP.
"Seeing as Adrian Peterson is playing New Orleans, let just say it will be him."
"Yeah, I expect Peterson to have a big game against the 'aints."
LVP- John Carlson plays for the Seahawks. Isn't that enough?
Doghouse Dandy- Anthony Gonzalez, which is a double whammy for Dan. He's a Colt's fan.
Dan just informed me that he doesn't expect to beat Ryan this week. Love the confidence.
Dan Miller, everybody!
The 'Who Are You? No Seriously, Who Are You?' Tier
(For teams that haven't found their true identity)
6) Alf II
I won't drop a team from their tier with a loss in which they score over 120 points. Tough loss Kevin. I'm not sure that Kevin's team can compete for a title, but he certainly has exceeded early season expectations.
MVP- I don't know. Kevin is currently playing the role of jackass in the feature film, "I'm a Jackass." He's being cute and withholding his lineup trying to poke holes in the clear proof that he and Cory share appletinies in the nude together.
LVP- Kevin's humor.
Doghouse Dandy- Brandon Jacobs needs to start reaching some of that untapped potential. He's approaching DeAngelo Williams status here.
5) Evil Petting Zoo
Doug sure has fallen fast. In another league, in another world far from this one, Doug likes to joke that Britton and I choke. The previous two weeks and his slide from first to sixth in the rankings in that time, would say otherwise.
I'm beginning to think he text Ray Rice the last two weeks to say he was going to have a big game.
MVP- Jason Witten is playing the Bengals, or at least what is left of them.
LVP- Eddie Royal. I think Doug will have a pretty good week, but Royal will be the weak link.
Doghouse Dandy- Still Jake Delhomme.
The 'Is Ohio State In Town, Because It's Showtime!' Tier
(For teams that obviously have what it takes to beat the big boys)
4) SWEEP THE LEG!!!
The Leg has played pretty well of late, but while they have shot up the charts, I can't put them in the top-3 yet. In addition STL!!! has an enormous match-up with Jerad this week, one I can't see Jerad losing.
MVP- LT is back. Miami isn't going to do much to slow him down either.
LVP- Santonio Holmes doesn't have it easy this week against Jacksonville. Crap.
Doghouse Dandy- Plaxico Burress, and no we aren't ready to talk about it yet. Plax smells like sweaty feet to us.
3) America's Team VII
David had a big win last week, boosting him back inside the top-3. If by some chance The Leg defeats Jerad though, David is certain to drop.
MVP- Steve Smith had a big game last week, and should do about the same against KC.
LVP- Brian Westbrook, which is a gutsy call if he plays, but I'm sticking with it.
Doghouse Dandy- Randy Moss seriously has 25 points. I'm shaking my head right now in disgust.
2) daytwodaddy
Jerad still hasn't changed his name, and he still won't. I'm keeping Jerad at the two-hole while letting it be known if he beats STL!!! I can't see a scenario where he won't be No. 1 next week.
MVP- Tony Romo. Playing against Cinci means a big offense day. Ditto for T.O.
LVP- Ryan Grant has taken the title of 'Worst Starting Running Back' and ran with it. No one is even close. 15 points? Wow.
Doghouse Dandy- Still Ryan Grant.
The 'You're The Best, Around!' Tier
(For the best around)
1) Natrone Means Biznas
Look at Nick taking the league by storm! He has decided to forgo the norm of an inaugural season of sucking. If Jerad loses, Nick should stay on top of the mountain. If Jerad wins Nick will lose his spot regardless of his performance this week.
MVP- Larry Johnson, who at one point was playing pretty some awful ball. A mere memory now.
LVP- Willie Parker, whether he plays or not.
Doghouse Dandy- Chris Cooley hasn't shown much this season.
Wait a minute...
On the field anyway.
Upon review of Nick's team, I would be absolutely shocked if he kept playing this well. It won't happen.
Have a good weekend guys. Post your thoughts, so long as they don't contain the words Julius and Jones.
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1 comment:
I expect a big week out of Julius Jones this week. especially with engram and branch giving some stability to that passing game. possible mvp for alf II. that is if he decides to play his players
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