Ben's Jumbelia: Week 12

While taking a quick break from shredding on Rockband 2, I couldn't help but notice the latest wave of free agent moves, the two of most notable by our very own Kevin 'Harpoon Man' Le Duc. On one hand Kevin acquired Don's first pick (and second overall) from the preseason expansion draft, Carson Palmer, which both writers from this site pimped as a great pick. Needless to say, Palmer hasn't lived up to expectations this season. Still, a solid pick-up for a guy known to fantasize over potential keepers.

The second move was a bit more questionable. When Kevin and Cory got together one brisk Thursday evening, for a session, Kevin ended the night leaving with herpes Earnest Graham, Tennessee's defense, and a seldom used backup running back/ kick returner.

The trade couldn't be finalized, as it was a bit premature, so Kevin and Cory couldn't actually receive their new players until this past Monday (Nov. 17). Two days later (Nov. 19) Kevin dropped one of the two "significant" players he received in the deal.

Now I'm not saying there is anything fishy about Kevin and Cory's trade. Their relationship maybe, but not the trade.

Graham finds himself out for the season, placed on the injured reserve list. In addition to that, his role will most likely be diminishing next season healthy or not with Cadillac Williams back. Knowing both of those things, it's hard to imagine a scenario where Graham cracks the tetrad of Brandon Marshall, Peyton Manning, Brandon Jacobs and Clinton Portis.

Still, this isn't a Harpoon Man type of move so it is a bit perplexing. Kevin usually hangs onto potential keepers for dear life.

Now in more important news, Don has finally taken offense to his low rankings, as he has routinely found himself in the 12-spot. Don, I am a fair man. I hold no grudges and collect no enemies. You have three wins and for the first time in your short history in this league, a winning streak as well. Remember, in September, I liked your team loads more than your fellow expansionist.

Will you finally be moved out of the cellar this week? Let's find out...

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The 'You're Five Foot Nothin' Tier
(For teams that play like they are the size of Sean Astin)

12) Bye Bye Brady
Cory we have finally come full circle to where we were at the start of the season. I'd like to put you higher, but you are riding a six game losing streak, are out of the playoff chase, and your keepers don't look all that promising.

Year one of the Kevin/ Cory split hasn't gone well for you. Just pray that Brady comes back strong next year.

MVP- The only player who has a match-up I like this week for Cory is Jason Campbell, against Seattle. He's the pick.

LVP- This could go to pretty much anyone on Ritz's team, but let's go with DeSean Jackson. I don't expect the little man from CAL to do much against Baltimore.

Doghouse Dandy- Earnest Graham is out for the year, so apparently trading him was a great idea. This honor goes back to the man who made this season possible for Cory; Tom Brady.


11) First Down Syndrome
Dan, first of all it was a tough call between you and Don here. You both have played below expectations, but you both are also showing a tiny bit of promise for the future with your new QBs. Since Eli is clearly better than Quinn though, I'm dropping you down.

While FDS certainly hasn't played well, this is the one team with enough upside to completely turn things around as soon as next season. If Quinn progresses well, and Edwards and Chad both get their mojo back, Dan will have a nice trio of players to team up with Adrian Peterson next year. In addition, it isn't out of the question that Dan could end up with a top three pick in the draft. If that happens I expect Dan to contend next year.

For now though, he stinks.

MVP- Both Quinn and Edwards have great match-ups against Houston this week. Opposing QBs are averaging higher than a 100.0 rating against Houston this year. If Quinn was healthy I'd pick him. But he's not so Edwards will be the MVP.

LVP- Justin Fargas is still getting almost exclusive carries, but still isn't doing anything with them. Dan created a bizzaro league last year where this gist was, a player who plays a ton, but plays very poorly is extremely valuable. Justin Fargas would be a contender for the bizzaro MVP.

Doghouse Dandy- Chad Johnson strikes again. Dan still has to be happy with the fact it only took Torry Holt to get Chad, but can't be happy that Chad has done virtually nothing for him.


10) Longies
Don, you finally made it! Sure you're in the bottom tier still, but at least you aren't twelfth anymore.

There isn't a ton to be excited about with this team, but it is on a two game winning streak, and it does have Eli Manning.

It appears as though Don may be quietly developing another bonafide decent keeper, right under our noses. Kevin Smith (yes, he plays for Detroit) is beginning to play well. He's the undisputed starter for the Lions and he may end up the same for Don next year.

MVP- Eli Manning. The Cards have played well, but the Giants have played better.

LVP- Kevin Faulk. He is a hit or miss guy. I say he misses.

Doghouse Dandy- Roy Williams really needs to grow a pair and start earning his keep.


The 'Co-stanza! It'll Get In Your Head!' Tier
(For teams that you don't quite like but can't quite get out of your head)

9) Bayside Tigers
Matt apparently didn't get the memo that the league doesn't think his team is as bad as his record shows. He felt compelled to create a BCS style ranking system, proving he wasn't terrible. Matt we all believe you, you don't have to convince us!

It's simply another case of the curse of the defending champion.

MVP- Steve Slaton against The Cleve? Count me in!

LVP- Pierre Thomas. I'm underwhelmed with the guy, what can I say?

Doghouse Dandy- Torry Holt. Yikes.


8) CedricBenson4Pres.
Here we sit a week later, and my feelings towards this feisty little bunch Root has assembled haven't changed. I can't help but like this underdeveloped little bunch. Matt Ryan, Marques Colston, Joseph Addai, DeAngelo Williams, Marshawn Lynch and Tim Hightower? I just can't figure it out, but I dig it.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think Ryan will have another tough set of keeper decisions this year. Unlike last year, it's a good thing.

Wow.

MVP- Marshawn Lynch should be able to get things going against KC.

LVP- Tim Hightower. I doubt the Cards run much against the G-Men.

Doghouse Dandy- Ryan is still waiting on Marques Colston's first TD of the year.


The 'I'm Gonna Go All-In Because I Don't Think You Have The Spades' Tier
(For teams that probably don't have what they want you to think they have)

7) Sweep The Leg!!!
Two of the three teams fighting to the bitter end for the final two playoff spots won last week. The Leg wasn't one of them. Strangely STL!!! still finds itself in control of their own playoff destiny as they are 78 points ahead of Reid for the final spot.

Both Sweep and Big Balls have big time match-ups this week. B & B face off against Dan and Reid against Nick. If one wins and the other loses, that may be all she wrote for the loser.

Word on the street is STL!!!'s best player, Reggie Bush, may be returning to action this week.

I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.

MVP- Santana Moss is playing Seattle. Enough said.

LVP- If Favre or Garrard plays it will be one of them. If the unthinkable happens and Jeff Garcia starts? I don't even want to think about that one.

Doghouse Dandy- If Bush misses another game it's him. Assuming he starts however, it's Darren McFadden.


6) Big Balls
Reid continued his playoff push last week by kicking the crap out of Dan. I'll be honest, his chances look a little more than decent at this point. He plays Nick this week, and Matt next. Those to have a combined record of 10-12.

B & B have to play Dan this week and Nick the next. Their opponents have a combined record of 12-10.

Kevin sitting one game up on both STL!!! and Big Balls has yet to play Doug and Dan, with a combined record of 12-10.

Needless to say this is going to be a tight one, but as we stand, I'd bet on Reid making the playoffs.

Here's to hoping I'm wrong.

MVP- Kurt Warner. It has to be. I know the Giants abuse opposing QBs, but if Kurt Warner doesn't find a way to put up big numbers regardless, all the junk I mentioned previously will not matter. If Warner doesn't find a way to step up, I don't think Reid beats Nick, and if Reid doesn't beat Nick, he's not going to make the playoffs. I don't see B & B, or Kevin losing two weeks in a row.

LVP- MoJo. I don't see a big game coming up against Minny. Reid Also needs Jones-Drew to step up here and prove me wrong.

Doghouse Dandy- Phillip Rivers, though it's not really his fault. Warner has simply been flat-out out-playing him.


5) TheEvilAnimal Slayer
Just a cruel name all-around, and there's really no other way to say it. Kevin's new names have been mildly entertaining though, so there is that.

I won't bore us all by regurgitating more of the same playoff chase info. Especially since there is virtually no way Kevin will find himself excluded in. Instead I'd like to put my creativity to better use.

If Kevin and Cory were to play with each other, what would Kevin name his team? Here are a few I was able to come up with quickly in no particular order:

1) GiveMeYour Brady!
2) Bend Over Brady!
3) I'llTomYour Brady!
4) Cory's Big Brady
5) Bye Bye Baby

But in all seriousness. I think it's time to put the Kevin and Cory like each other in that way jokes to rest. Cory's married for cripes sake! YES TO A FEMALE. Enough is enough, let's all find more productive ways to use our energy rather than continuing to recycle the same jokes.

(However if you choose to use your creativity and energy to continue this list with team names of your own in the comments section of this blog, by no means am I here to tell you what you should, or should not do.)

MVP- Either Portis against Seattle or Marshall against Oakland, both are big time players playing against terrible defenses. Kevin should have a huge week, and clinch a playoff berth this week against Nick. Once again, I openly admit I was wrong about Kevin's team at the beginning of the year. His bunch is legit. With another win he will find himself in the next tier.

LVP- Leon Washington because someone has to 'win' this honor.

Doghouse Dandy- Julius Jones is the one player Kevin was wrong in about. He sucks, just plain awful.


4) Karen Franke
As much as I give Kevin props for his own team name idea, I take props away from Nick. Karen Franke is one of the Top-5 worst fantasy football team names I have ever seen in a league I have played in. Yeah it's great she was the teacher before you and Britton. Yada, yada, yada, it's still a poorly chosen fantasy name.

Nick has done a wonderful job taking the last place team from a year ago, and turning it into a playoff team. With that said, I think it's clear his ship has begun to slowing take on water. Any of the potential playoff teams have a shot at beating him, and the most likely candidates are Jerad, Doug, Kevin, and David. I can't see Nick beating any of those four teams.

Still a successful first season. Welcome to the league Nick.

MVP- Anquan Boldin, which bodes well for Reid, as one would assume if Boldin does well Warner will as well. Boldin has been great since returning from injury, and he should keep it up against New York.

LVP- Issac Bruce. Wait... is Nick serious here? Is this a joke? I think he's really going to play Issac Bruce. Wow. Nick I feel you on being a Niner fan, I really do (I'm one too). But still man, Issac Bruce?!?!?

Good Lord.

*Bruce has four fantasy points in the past three weeks.

Doghouse Dandy- Steven Jackson hasn't done anything at all of late.


The 'I'm Your Huckleberry' Tier
(For teams that are good enough to be No. 1)

3) America's Team VII
Has there been a more undervalued top notch team this year? What is this like eight weeks running David has been ranked No. 3 by either Britton, myself or both of us?

I think it's clear that either Jerad or Doug must be favored at this point, but is it that inconceivable to think David can knock those guys off?

Seriously, is it?

/yeah, it probably is.

MVP- Drew Brees. He just keeps putting up numbers.

LVP- Thomas Jones. My gut tells me the Jets try to win this one through the air.

Doghouse Dandy- Tom Brady. Wait... WHAT??? Look, if Brady hadn't gone down in Week 1 Randy Moss would be cappin' fools. So Brady get's the blame.


2) daytwodaddy
Jerad finally lost, and with it fell his number one ranking. He's still a great force, and he still could win it all. But My money's on 'Down and Dirty'.

In other news, Romo and Owens should both eat San Francisco alive. So he has that goin' for him, which is nice.

MVP- Romo & Owens. Take your pick. They will both own SF.

LVP- Willis McGahee because I think Philly comes out with a mean streak after last week.

Doghouse Dandy- Jerad is 10-1. How would he have a guy in his dog house?


The 'You... Beat Me... At Golf?!?!?' Tier
(For a guy who shouldn't lose the rest of the way)

1) Evil Petting Zoo
Doug I have to hand it to you. You had a great week. You beat Jerad, were featured in this week's edition of 'An Evening With' and have rightfully taken your place as the chosen one.

Can you be stopped?

The people are calling out to you Doug. Will you answer the bell?

MVP- LT. He should finally have his coming out party this week. It's about time Tomlinson.

LVP- Frank Gore. I'm telling you, SF is going to have a bad day against Britton's 'boys.

Doghouse Dandy- Doug is on top of the mountain and thanks every last one of his guys for it. He buys his men ice chests full of beer after every game. He is a great owner who everyone desires to play for.

Long live 'Down and Dirty' Doug Downing.


That's it for this week. Don't forget to tell me how much of a jackass I am!