Ben's Jumbelia: Week 6

Last week was the week of the close match-ups. Four of the six match-ups were decided by nine points or less! The other two? Well, the other two were good old fashioned rompings.

A quick breakdown:

Nick vs Matt
Matt nearly pulled this one out to end his win less title denfense. We are impressed.

Dan vs Ryan
The people saw this match-up, and yawned. Dan did what he was supposed to do when playing Root; win.

David vs Don
How did Don come within 2.5 points of both taking down the No. 3 ranked team (T-MOF) and notching his first win? I don't see how David can maintain his ranking after a performance like this.

Kevin vs Cory
So many gay jokes, so little time. This one was decided by 1.5 points. Describing it as a nail biter wouldn't do it justice. Kevin had it the whole way, before Cory rammed it home. Let's just say when Kevin wasn't expecting it and Cory came up from behind and made him hurt.

Doug vs Reid
Doug had his way with Reid.

Whoops, that joke should have been used in the last recap.

Jerad vs Britton and Ben
STL!!! never really had a shot last week. They had a let-down game and Jerad played very well. Expect the rankings to reflect it.

Ok, onto the rankings...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 'I'm Only Winning If We are Playing USC' Tier
(Teams that can't be ranked low enough)

12) CedricBenson4Pres.
Ryan finds himself in the cellar for two reasons. First, while still losing, Matt and Don both had impressive performances against fairly good teams (I can only say fairly good, because they nearly let Matt and Don beat them). Second, and most importantly, Root let Dan beat him.

Dan isn't very good. He will be the first to tell you.

MVP- Kevin Walter, and just call it a hunch. Walter and the Texans are playing a surprisingly decent Miami team, but I still think he'll have a decent game.

A decent game should be enough to win MVP on this Ryan Root team.

LVP- Chris Chambers will likely not play against New England. If Root leaves him in his lineup as a gamble, I don't think it pays off. I think Marques Colston would be a better gamble, but what do I know?

Doghouse Dandy- Laurence Maroney and his eight total points this season. I'm not 100% but I'm pretty sure Root kept Maroney over Brandon Jacobs via a coin flip in the preseason.

Root, can you verify this for us?


11) Longies
Don may have nearly beaten David, and I can justify moving him out of the No. 12 spot, but I can''t justify a bigger jump, not with an 0-5 record and not with his team.

MVP- Greg Jennings because I have come up with a new rule. Until further notice any stud playing against Seattle must be named team MVP by default. The Seahawks are down-right terrible. Nick picked up their Def. this week, and that was a big mistake.

LVP- Roy Williams playing against Minny with his current QB situation is not a good match.

Doghouse Dandy- Dallas Clark is supposed to be better than 17 points. He's supposed to be, but apparently he isn't.


10) Bayside Tigers
Matt, I love your new name. It may be the glorious kick in the pants your team needs. But it may not, you are 0-5 after all.

MVP- Marion Barber against Arizona? Yes please!

LVP- Nate Jackson. This guy sounds like he should be a UFC fighter rather than an NFL tight end.

Doghouse Dandy- Torry Holt still wasn't a good guy to trade Chad Johnson for.


The 'Alec Baldwin In The Cat In The Hat' Tier
(Teams that clearly haven't reached their potential)

9) First Down Syndrome
Maybe I was wrong moving Dan down to the tier of hopelessness last week? Maybe he does have a shot with a 2-3 record. Or maybe, he just played Root last week.

Yeah, I'm going with that one.

MVP- Brett Favre and Adrian Peterson in a tie, because I can't decide which one will light up their opponent more. Favre has Cinci's defense at his disposal, and Peterson has Detroit's at his. Both should have huge games.

LVP- Braylon Edwards. What a disappointment. I hate to say it, but with the Brown's weak offensive line going up against a very good pass rushing Giants team, it doesn't look to get any better for Edwards this weak.

Doghouse Dandy- Until Braylon Edwards puts together a string of consecutive good games, it has to be him.

By the by, a word of advice for Kevin those of you who would like to try and take advantage of Dan's woeful season thus far: Don't ask about Adrian Peterson, and if you decide to ignore this advice, be prepared to start the bidding with at least two top-15 type of guys, if not more.

Here's a question: Why would Dan deal away football's best player of the future, in a year when his fantasy team is clearly rebuilding for the future?

Here's the answer: He wouldn't.


The 'Keanu Reeves Everyone Knows I Suck, But At Least I Made Point Break' Tier
(Teams that will be bad, but have had a little luck)

8) Big Balls
Let's face it, Reid is feeling fortunate to have two wins at this point. He probably won't admit it, but this team is made up of wanna-be's. Phillip Rivers wants to be a top-notch quarterback, but he probably isn't quite yet. Maurice Jones-Drew wants to be a superstar, but he still doesn't start for his own team, and he can't seem to quite clear that 'pretty good' hump. Donald Driver wants to be good again, but who is he kidding, he's not that type of player anymore.

MVP- Phillip Rivers. Even though I bashed on him a little bit in the paragraph above, Rivers is still a pretty good quarterback, and against a N.E. team that just keeps giving up points, I expect Rivers to put up numbers.

LVP- Michael Bush, though not because I don't think he can't run all over the Saints. I don't think he'll put up points this week, because with Fargas coming back from injury, and McFadden healed up a bit from the bye week, I don't think Bush will get the looks.
Doghouse Dandy- Dominic Rhodes with a whopping 10.5 points on the year. Why is Rhodes still on this team?


7) AlfII(Here's to 09)
Kevin is bringing back a similar, but not a replica, of his league champ name from the T-MOF baseball league. I don't think it's going to help. Kevin is still reeling from his painful loss to Ritz. I hear he calls Cory, Papa Smurf.

MVP- Aaron Rodgers. Remember the rule from earlier? Any big time player against Seattle must be named MVP by default? It comes into play here too.

LVP- Julius Jones played great last week. Right Kevin? Kevin? It's going to be a little tougher to defend Jones after he has another performance similar to last week against GB.

Doghouse Dandy- Matt Hasselbeck, and it can't be any other.


The 'Who Are You? No Seriously, Who Are You? Tier
(For teams that haven't found their true identity)

6) Bye Bye Brady
Cory keeps climbing in the ranks. Last week he climbed onto over Kevin to find himself wondering what kind of team he really has. Is it even possible that the team I ranked dead-last prior to the season, can be a playoff team? If the playoffs started today, Cory would be in.

MVP- Ronnie Brown. I'm done speaking ill of Brown. Both weeks I've predicted bad things from him, he's gone off. Against the Texans, I don't expect anything other than greatness.

LVP- Earnest Graham against Carolina? I don't think so.

Doghouse Dandy- Either Marvin Harrison or Wes Welker. I can't decide. Let's go with both.


5) SWEEP THE LEG!!!
To be fair STL!!! had to face off with Jerad last week, but life isn't fair. Plus, Jerad crushed The Leg. Falling only one spot is fair though, and I probably shouldn't have this team in the identity questioning tier. They know who they are, and that is a playoff team.

MVP- Santana Moss should redeem himself and his goose egg, with a fantastic performance against the Rams.

LVP- Antonio Gates. Is he even alive at this point?

Doghouse Dandy- Santana Moss. Even though I expect big things out of him this week, when you don't record a single point you find yourself in the doghouse.


4) America's Team VII
I would push David up a tier, based on his 4-1 record, but when you come within 2.5 points of losing to the league doormat, you find yourself questioning things a bit more. David should bounce back, but until he does he's in this tier.

MVP- Drew Brees against Oakland. Good Lord, Drew Brees. Drew Brees a thousand times over.

LVP- Brandon Stokely. The guy had one good season, yet people still play him? It boggles the mind.

Doghouse Dandy- Brian Westbrook has played well, when he's played. He isn't playing right now and he can't stop getting hurt.


The 'Is Ohio State In Town, Because It's Showtime!' Tier
(For teams that obviously have what it takes to beat the big boys)

3) Evil Petting Zoo
After tearing apart Reid, Doug appears to be back on track. Let's see what happens this week against STL!!!. It's a big match-up for both teams.

MVP- Reggie Bush, the way he's been playing, against Oakland? C'mon, give me something hard to predict.

LVP- Eddie Royal. I don't think he plays well against the Jags.

Doghouse Dandy- Calvin Johnson, though to be fair it's more the Lions in general than C.J.


2) Natrone Means Biznas
I warned you all last week if Jerad beat STL!!! it would take a near miracle for Nick not to drop. Nick decided to help my decision out by nearly losing to a win less Matt. Sheesh.

MVP- Chris Cooley and his wang playbook against the Rams. I think Washington throws all over them.

LVP- Isaac Bruce. Philly has to come up big one of these days right? Frick, I don't feel comfortable with this pick. Whatever.

Doghouse Dandy- Anquan Boldin, through no fault of his own.


The 'You're The Best, Around!' Tier
(For the best around)

1) daytwodaddy
Ok, Jerad is good. He proved that once and for all last week by sweeping the legs of B & B. Can he sustain it? I don't know. Doug is beginning to look tough again. For now, Jerad is No. 1.

MVP- Romo and T.O. against Arizona. So goes, the Cowboys, so goes Jerad. As long as they dominate Jerad is tough to beat.

LVP- Jerious Norwood against Chicago.

Doghouse Dandy- Ryan Grant, though his fortunes could and should change this week against Seattle.


That's it for this edition, let me know what you think!