Week 3 Power Rankings/Predictions

12 (10).  Don - Dear Cheeses of Nazareth... that was a bad week.  A very bad week.  Almost historically bad.  If that score had been in the 40's, I'd have gone back into the archive to see if this loss was historical (trust me, I probably set the record last year).  Don faces league wunderkind Kevin in week 3.  Delightful.

11 (12).  Cory - Might be safe to say that Tom Brady was going to be Cory's whole team this year.  Combined with few other stars and a mediocre supporting cast, it could possibly be a long season for the Ritzau group.  Perhaps some trades with Kevin will make things better.

10 (9).  Dan - Maybe it's the new name.  Maybe it's the disappearance of Braylon Edwards public speaking ability.  Maybe it's the way he keeps whistling at young boys whenever we go to a public place.  I don't know... I'm not a doctor.  But what I do know is Dan's team needs a turnaround.  Could pseudo Mexican opponent Nick Nevares be the burrito Dan always wanted?  Stay tuned.

9 (7).  Ryan - An unimpressive win and a loss last week lead to a slight pimp smack in the rankings.  It looks like Ryan has found a few gems with his computer draft this season, but they need to be more consistent if he wants to continue to not pull a Cory this season.  A winnable game with the Balled One might open some eyes long enough to stop Doug from writing porn notes to Ed Hochuli.

8 (8).  Matt - I don't really know how one loses to Reid in the year 2008, but if there was one team to do it, it was going to be Matt.  If there is going to be another team to do it, it's probably going to be me.  That's because God hates me.  Put it on the board.

7 (11).  Reid - Big jump this week in beating the newlywed Matt down in impressive style.  I'm still not ready to really get on the Big Balls bandwagon until I see some consistent play.  I just can't see the roster performing well week after week.  Then again, I'm a pessimist and my parents were always telling me that they'd rather have my friend Russell as a son than me.  So it could all just be in my head.

6 (5).  SWEEP THE LEG!!! - Bleh.  This team is bleh.  The owners are amazing and bring a lot to the league.   The commish is top notch, but whatever.  Too many players are crapping the bed right now and the presumptive team MVP Tomlinson is shaking turds out of his jean pants as we speak.  It's a weird time to be a fan of STL!!!  A sexy matchup with Matt awaits in week 3.

5 (6).  Kevin - I think I'm going to be sick.  It's bad enough that Captain Awkward is beating the venerable Miracle Five in the finals of the baseball league so far.  It's quite another that he is now ranked above all but four teams in this league.  Can his team keep it up?  Is McNabb for real?  Would STL!!! like McNabb back?  Does Kevin have a thing for Santonio Holmes?

4 (4).  Nick - First it's Willie Parker, then it was Anquan Boldin.  It seems like whatever Mayan god that Nick prays to is doing a great deal to help him win matchups that perhaps he shouldn't.  It's bad enough that he texts me every week talking about how great a random player is.   But to lose to him?  Wow...

3 (2).  Jerad - Two things I was wrong about:  keeping David from the second spot and ranking Jerad as the #1 team to start the season.  I love Jerad's team though, and I think he can be a force in the playoffs.  In case you were wondering, since this league became a keeper league, no team better than the 6th seed have won the title.  Remember that, Doug.  You bastard.

2 (1).  David - Here it is, Speedy.  I'm sorry I didn't give you your props before, but here it is.  I'm also sorry for talking crap about Darren Sproles.  Wow, I had no idea that he'd actually be a fantasy force in any week ever.  You bastard.

1 (2).  Doug - This could be wire to wire.  And it will not have happened to a worse guy.  I knew this team would be good, but I'm not sure I was ready to see it being THIS GOOD.

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Now to the sexy predictions...last week I was 4-2.  For the season, I'm 4-2.

Kevin vs. Don:  Ben just informed me that Kevin told him that LaDainian Tomlinson sucks.  Not struggling... sucks.  And this guy is actually going to win his matchup of the expansion teams.  What's worse is that I still can't believe he offered us Julius Jones.  Kevin 120, Don 85.

Doug vs. Cory:  I'm not sure if we've set the league record for largest victory margin in a game yet, but I wouldn't take the points with Cory until the spread reached at least 65.  Doug 140, Cory 75.

David vs. Jerad:  This is going to be the game of the week.  Two of the top three teams going at it in an early season showdown like the Cowboys and the Packers (which the Packers probably will win because as I mentioned before, God hates me).  I have been sitting here tossing and turning and looking at the matchups.  But I have to go with my sassy gut on this one.  David 120, Jerad 119.  

Reid vs. Ryan:  I think the real winner will be the league, because it will be quite a while before the league equivalent of Tavaris Jackson and Andrew Walter meet again.  Either team will get a boost by an easy win here, but I can't really pinpoint who will run away with it.   Let's flip a coin.  Ah yes... tie goes to the guy from Yucaipa.   Reid 90, Ryan 88.

Nick vs. Dan:  At the beginning of the season, I'd have thought there was no way Dan would lose this matchup.  But now, I need Dan to win a game before I can predict a win for him again.  Nick 123, Dan 101.

STL!!! vs. Matt:  Keeping McFadden on the bench cost STL!!!  LT struggling (not sucks) hurt even worse.  Now STL!!! must bounce back against reigning champion Matt Escher on a Monday night game in Redlands.  This is the game of the week not between Jerad and David.  All eyes will be on Steve Smith and Darren McFadden, the two x-factors this week.  STL!!! 110, Matt 108.