An Evening With: "Down and Dirty" Doug Downing

Last week, we saw the debut of the 'An Evening With' blog. I kicked things off with a glorious interview with Ryan Root. If you missed it be sure to go check it out after you read this week's edition.

Tonight we have the pleasure of spending a few moments with Doug Downing, the greatest fantasy owner to ever walk the earth (his opinion, not ours).

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you; Doug Downing.

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BB: Welcome Douglas, welcome. We are honored to have you, and in awe of your fantasy accomplishments. You are known to some in these circles as somewhat of a cocky fellow. Pray tell us, why do you expect that is?

DD: First off, thanks for having us. We are honored to be here. As far as the cockiness goes, I'd have to agree with the statement to a certain extent. I am confident in my decisions and drafts and while my players might underachieve at time, I typically do have a roster to envy. Wow, I'm the A.J. Smith of T-MOF. Great on paper, a little cocky, team that has a tendency to underachieve and a head coach who couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors ... hell, he'd probably stab himself by "accident"


BB: But there is only one of you here; I'm confused. Ah, never the less; say, the Chargers win the super bowl this season, but in order for them to do so, you must spend the next year going to work dressed as a girl. Would you do it? Walk us through your thought process.

DD: First question ... what "girl' am I dressed as? Hillary Clinton in a power suit? Brittany Spears as white trash? Ryan Root? I need the details on that to make a truly educated choice. Second, am I allowed to tell people why? Third, do I get to choose the circumstances of the SuperBowl win? (i.e. - can they shutout the Giants while ripping Eli Manning's limbs from his body?) So yes, Ryan, send me your favorite pumps 'cuz I'm doing it. It's only to work ... I'd just quit my job or work from home to weasel around it.


BB: Absolutely outstanding! Let us say, a beanstalk grows in your backyard; would you climb up? And if so, what would you expect to find?

DD: There is a beanstalk in my backyard and I did climb up it. It contained a city made of clouds and an angry black man mumbling about losing his aluminum falcon or something to some Han Solo guy in a game of sabaac while he was sipping on an amaretto sour and doing a crossword puzzle. It was quite the evening. I miss you, Lando.


BB: If you could spend one day with LaDainian Tomlinson, where would the two of you go?

DD: Disneyland, of course so we could have our pictures taken on Splash Mountain surrounded by Brer Bear and Brer Rabbit, but not Brer Fox. He's a douche bag (i.e - Raider fan). Plus, I'd make him buy me one of those huge turkey legs and the Teacup ride (because he can afford it).


BB: Compare yourself to one of the Looney Toons. How does your choice reflect your management style?

DD: Wile E. Coyote due to my confidence level. I always think of ways to catch that damn roadrunner


BB: You truly are a spectacular individual. You're in a horror movie. Are you the killer, or victim? If the latter is true, how would you be offed?

DD: Both actually. That's the twist. I actually kill myself because my character is like Christian Slater's new show, My Own Worst Enemy. Added bonus: Slater actually plays the role and really kills himself (the same way Kuffs killed his career)


BB: You must join forces with any one manager already in the football league; whom do you choose?

DD: Don because he needs the help and I'm a nice guy like that.


BB: What is your favorite fantasy word?

DD: Rotisserie ... makes me think of Boston Market ... which makes me think of lunch ... I love lunch.


BB: And your least favorite?

DD: Karen Franke


BB: I couldn't agree more with you Douglas. Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a word or phrase and you respond with the first thing that comes to your mind.

BB: Chargers Defense; DD: Sieve

BB: Reggie Bush; DD: Helix sucks

BB: I'm sorry, I didn't specify; in English next time if you will.

BB: Diarrhea; DD: Last night

BB: Fair enough.

BB: Fantasy Karma; DD: Gets me every time

BB: Brett Favre; DD: Brett Favre is the Brett Favre of Brett Favre's

BB: Dan Miller; DD: Last night (again)

BB: Would You Rather; DD: One huge testicle or a dozen normal sized ones

BB: Bill Simmons; DD: Secret online lover

BB: It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?

BB: Little House On The Prairie; DD: One Life to Live

BB: Britton's Mom; DD: Last night (it was an interesting night to say the least)


BB: Moving onto something less creep. If you had the chance to write a feel good Disney original movie about sports, with the catch the lead character must be based on someone in this league, what and who would your movie be about?

DD: Easy. Britton (based a little on Willie Briscoe) leading the 1999-2000 PLNU Crusaders hoops team to the national title over Azusa Pacific. The scene when he shatters the backboard while the play-by-play guy (played by me) goes all Gus Johnson will make you cry. I've actually written this already is you'd like to read it.


BB: I think I can speak for everyone when I say, your script sounds fascinating! If you could go back in time and alter the outcome of any one sporting event over the course of history, which would you and why?

DD: Of course, I'd have the Chargers win SuperBowl XXIX instead of them getting a beat down for the ages. Either that or I would have wanted PLNU to win a national hoops crown back when Britton and I did the games. It would have been way cool to actually call a team winning the title. Remember that trip to Jackson, Tn with Ashleigh, Britton? That was a really cool trip.


BB: That was a wonderful Superbowl. If you could have any eight players across the league, as keepers for your team next year, who who you choose?

DD: Gore, Westbrook, Brees, Barber, Fitzgerald, Tomlinson, Gates and Brandon Marshall ... wow, that's like my team almost ...


BB: An egotist as well as an intellect. Well played Douglas. And finally if you could say anything to anyone, what would you say, and to whom?

DD: I would ask ... no, I would tell P-E Obama to make blocking fantasy websites at work illegal.