Week 2 Power Rankings/Predictions

12 (8).  Cory - I was iffy on Cory's team with Brady.  Now that Jason Campbell is the presumptive starter, RB's knee is the least of his worries.

11 (10).  Reid - It was not a pretty start for the Big Author.  A hopeful matchup awaits with Matt in Week 2.

10 (9).  Don - The McGahee injury was lame, but the rest of his team didn't really show up anyways.  That gets a man shot in Long Beach.  Speaking of shooting stuff... D, you're having a kid???

9 (3).  Dan - Not impressed at all with the Week 1 performance.  This ranking should be higher than it is now, but Dan needs to know that Ryan Root should never outscore him, ever.

8 (6).  Matt - Same goes for Matt.

7 (11).  Ryan - Good win in the opening week, but was the worst team to post a victory (otherwise known as pulling a Reid '07).  A TOUGH matchup in Week 2 against the Captain Quesadilla.

6 (12).  Kevin - I'm giving Kevin his due now so he won't bitch at me about every little prediction I make.  Speaking of which, God smiled on us all when he struck down Brady, but on a less hyped note... also struck down Burleson.  Anyone else want to cheer for a team I hate? 

5 (4).  SWEEP THE LEG!!! - A classic perfomance by STL!!!  No one really shone, but everyone chipped in a little bit.  Except Santonio Holmes.  Dan, as a lover of all things Ohio State, this is for you.  Though, admittedly... based on our scientific research from earlier... Kevin might quickly become an Ohio State fan.

4 (7).  Nick - I'd like to thank Willie Parker for scoring more rushing touchdowns in Week 1 than all of last season.  Seriously, I want to barf.  But I can't fault Nick for that.  A killer matchup with STL!!! is coming this week.

3 (5).  David - I can't give him the two spot.  Not yet.  For several reasons.  One, I'm slightly racist.  Two, I hate that his team is still called America's Team XII even though it was that last year (come on Del Llano, get with it).  Finally, I can't support a team that starts Darren Sproles ever. 

2 (1).  Jerad - Like Don, he is fathering children left and right.  But unlike Don, he has fantasy stars everywhere to play on his team.  Except for Palmer, this was a great week for Chewy.  A literal walkover game happens next week as he takes on Cory and his decimated band of middle-aged women.

1 (2).  Doug - I called it before the season, but even I might not have realized just how good this team might be.  If Michael Turner can be half of what he was this past Sunday, and Bush finally realizes that he's not an everydown back... this could be the biggest turnaround since Nick finally discovered that he didn't prefer mangina back in 2007. 

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Now to the sexy predictions...

Doug vs. Don:  Don needs McGahee to put up some numbers because his bench simply can't carry the slack.  Doug looks to have a sweet looking team.  But Don does get the ladies.  But then again, Doug is married.  Crap.  Doug 130, Don 85.

Cory vs. Jerad:  If there was an upset special going on, this would be the exact opposite.  If Cory won this week, it would be the biggest upset since Daniel took out Johnny in the All-Valley Karate Championships.  Jerad 130, Cory 75.

David vs. Ryan:  I see this as another walkover.  Ryan was game for a sexy win in the opener, but David has 1.5 great QB's at his disposal and one of the best around in Brian Westbrook.  Ryan has... crap, I don't even know.  Ah yes... Addai.  David 120, Ryan 80.

Matt vs. Reid:  Ah yes... a good match at last.  Both of these teams crapped their pants in Week 1.  I see Matt crapping his pants a little less in Week 2 and breaking out on this one.  Matt 100, Reid 85.

Kevin vs. Dan:  If this was the baseball league, all the fly honeys would be wanting to see this.  But in football, it's slightly less attractive... so far.  Kevin surprised in Week 1, but his best draft pick (snicker) was lost to injury.  Dan features AP and a Minny defense angry after their national television loss.  Dan 110, Kevin 92.

STL!!! vs. Nick:  Nick shocked more people with his first week performance than UCLA did against Tennessee (go Bruins).  Willie Parker is not going away quietly into the good night, though he does need more big games from his established stars to keep it going.  Will Crotchery stay that good?  STL!!! got very little from #1 pick McFadden, and rumor has it that Chris Johnson might be getting a start over him this week (pure rumor).  Nick 120, STL!!! 110.