The ballots were cast, the votes tallied, and the results noted. In my hands I hold a crisp piece of paper fresh off the press, and on it is some very valuable information; to the 13 of us in this league anyway.
Before we get to the season ending rewards, I would like to note that in the second round of the playoffs, Doug Downing once again choked away a championship caliber season.
No offense, and for Britton's sake I hope things change this year, but Doug's December woes are eerily similar to those of the Dallas Cowboys of late. He has had all the talent in the world these past three years, and yet his championship glass remains empty.
What remains is an eternal clash of the titans. The No.1 seed vs the No. 2 seed. Goliath vs a slightly smaller version of Goliath. Ali vs. Liston. Magic vs Bird.
A little overly dramatic am I? Perhaps. But as Britton stated earlier in the week, commenting on the top two teams facing off, "(It's) just as God intended."
So here we are, with but one week left in the 2008 fantasy season, wishing there were more games to play. I won't speak for Britton, but this will be my final T-MOF NFL post of the year. As always either Jerad of David will have the honor of opting to publish a winner's speech of sorts, on the blog.
There will more one more bulletin of sorts, which will be well worth your time, that will be posted likely some time in the next week or two.
I implore you to visit this site once or twice a week until the announcement is made.
Without further adieu, I present you the results of your All-TMOF Awards 2008.
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ALL-T-MOF AWARDS 2008
Manager of the Year: Jerad
Jerad was the overwhelming selection this year, snagging 67% of all official votes. He finished the regular season as the No. 1 overall ranked team, with only one loss on the year. Also receiving votes were Doug and Nick.
Best Over All Draft: Nick (Boldin, Cochery, Fred Taylor, Cutler & Devin Hester)
Nick was able to beat his closest competitor, Jerad, by scoring 57% of the popular vote. He also won both of the electoral college votes (Ben & Britton). Mr. Nevares can thank Anquan Boldin and Jay Cutler for this award.
Best Value Draft Pick: Reid (Kurt Warner, 10th Rd., No. 112)
Taking Kurt Warner in the 10th round? Not the no brainer one might think now. Remember when Reid made this pick, the Cardinals still hadn't made their minds up as to who their opening day starter would be. Reid ended up with an MVP candidate in the 1oth. I'd say both he and the Cards made the right call.
Worst Value Draft Pick: Dan (Rashard Mendenhall, 6th Rd., No. 65)
This one is surprising as Kevin represented 50% of the field. The voters responded by saying while Nate Burleson (6th Rd.) and Chris Perry (7th Rd) were bad, they didn't hold a candle to Dan and his mid-west running back of choice, Rashard Mendenhall. Dan edged Kevin's Burleson by a single vote.
Most Valuable Rookie: Reid (Matt Forte)
The hot name for much of the season has been Titan's running back, Chris Johnson.
The right name all along has been Bear's running back, Matt Forte.
Forte won 100% of the votes, helping Reid become the only owner to be selected unanimously to receive an All-T-MOF award.
Best Free Agent Pick-Up: Doug (Eddie Royal)
By receiving 86% of the vote Doug and Eddie Royal walked to the finish line and still won the race.
The only problem was, Royal literally did walk to the finish line, as he gave Doug only 11 points in Doug's season ending loss this week.
Ouch.
Best Trade: Root (Joesph Addai and DeAngelo Williams FOR the draft rights to Darren McFadden & Plaxico Burress)
I am completely embarrassed by this award, seeing as I was on the other end of this deal. On the other hand Britton and I both voted for Ryan, as he clearly got the better end of this deal.
Addai may not have done much this year, but DeAngelo Williams enjoyed the break out season we've been expecting (and by we I mean me) each of the past two seasons.
Darren McFadden had all of one good game and we all know how the Plaxico Burress story turned out.
The decision? Ryan wins by knockout.
MVP: David (Drew Brees)
Drew Brees managed to beat out the league's high scorer, Phillip Rivers, due to his consistency. Rivers also likely lost votes due to voter's interpretation of the word valuable. Reid had Rivers, but he also had Kurt Warner too.
Somehow, and believe me, I'm still not sure how, Anquan Boldin received a vote as well.
Wow.
ALL-T-MOF FIRST TEAM
QB- Drew Brees (MVP)
WR- Anquan Boldin
WR- Larry Fitzgerald
RB- Matt Forte
RB- Michael Turner (Perhaps San Diego should have kept him around after all.)
TE- Tony Gonzalez (Despite some LOONY voting for Antonio Gates over him.)
W/R- Adrian Peterson
W/R- Thomas Jones
DEF- Baltimore
K- ...Yeah, I don't think so.
ALL-T-MOF SECOND TEAM
QB- Phillip Rivers
WR- Andre Johnson
WR- Greg Jennings
RB- Clinton Portis (Yes Kevin, you made a wise pick. Now get over it.)
RB- Marion Barber
TE- Jason Witten (I know I sure draw up plays for Witten in meetings w/o my receivers!)
W/R- DeAngelo Williams (I could literally smack Ryan in the face. I won't though.)
W/R- Roddy White
DEF- Tennessee
K-... Why are we even discussing this?
So there you have it. You voted them in, but are you happy with the selections?
TO THE MESSAGE BOARD!
12/15/2008
12/06/2008
All-T-MOF '08 Official Ballot
So here we are, in a room full of strangers. The sun has set on the regular season, and the silhouettes outlined in the glowing moonlight, are a few of you werewolves, not yet ready to call it a season.
Let's be honest, those two for the most part, nonsensical sentences above only exist because I felt the need to post three sweet links. Go back and watch the videos. You won't regret it.
Anyway, before Britton and I present you with our first annual 'All-T-MOF Awards' ballot I feel compelled to share my insights on the ever omnipotent playoff picture.
Well, perhaps compelled isn't the right word to describe my feelings. What's the word I'm looking for? Ah, yes... forced.
Unfortunately the playoffs don't appear to be quite so interesting this season. Why, you ask?
Because I still think Doug walks away with this thing. There is only one thing that can stop him, his QB situation. Starting Chad Pennington in your first round playoff match-up is like starting Shaun Hill. Sure it's a gamble that might pay off, but you feel queasy until their games are over.
Doug has LT, Fitz, Michael Turner, Gates, Calvin, and Gore. I just don't see him losing.
Here's a quick breakdown of my thoughts regarding each playoff team:
Jerad- Is good.
Kevin- Is ok.
David- Is pretty good.
Doug- Is great.
Nick- Is bleh.
Reid- Has no Santonio Holmes. Just kidding Reid, I'm still bitter you edged us out. But seriously, I'm not thrilled at your chances.
So there you have it. I know Jerad and David had better regular seasons with less hiccups, but if Vegas were putting lines on our playoffs, Doug would be their clear-cut front runner.
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ALL-T-MOF '08 Official Ballot
How this will work-You will each have one week from this posting (Sat. Dec. 6th) to turn in your completed ballot. Only votes submitted to me at my g-mail address (benbates1@gmail.com) by no later than 11:59 PM, Sat. Dec. 13th will count as official votes. Britton and I will take potential exceptions into account on a case-by-case basis.
How to vote- You will vote via e-mail by copying and pasting the official ballot with your answers included.
Please do not just number your selections. By including the question with your answer there will be absolute clarity significantly reducing the risk of voting for the wrong choice.
Choices- There will be no write-in-votes permitted. What you see is what you get in terms of voting choices. Only select one choice per category (except the All-T-MOF Team)
All-T-MOF Team voting- To vote for the All-T-MOF Team please rank your choices as directed. Britton and I will tally up the votes using an undisclosed point value system. The results will make up the All-T-MOF First and Second Team.
I will only be posting a player's total fantasy points. Please refer to his stats as well before ranking your players.
Keep in mind these awards will be based upon regular season merits alone (weeks 1-13).
Without further adieu, Britton and I present to you, the official All-T-MOF '08 ballot.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALL-T-MOF '08
1) MANAGER OF THE YEAR
A) Jerad- 12-1 record; start to finish #1 seed
B) David- 11-2 record; finally chose between Manning and Brees
C) Nick- 9-4 record with last year's worst team
D) Doug- 9-4 record; favorite to win it all; first ever blockbuster trade by a serious contender in this league at the deadline (Bush & Witten for LT & Gates)
2) BEST OVER ALL DRAFT
A) Jerad- Forte, Tony Gonzalez, Ray Rice, Eli Manning, Jerious Norwood
B) Nick- Boldin, Jerricho Cotchery, Fred Taylor, Jay Cutler, Devin Hester
C) David- Thomas Jones, Hines Ward, Darren Sproles, Vincent Jackson, Derrick Ward
D) Ben & Britton- Darren McFadden (draft rights from Ryan), Chris Johnson, Santana Moss, Santonio Holmes, David Garrard
3) BEST VALUE DRAFT PICK
A) Ryan- Matt Ryan, 163 points (14th rd., No. 157)
B) Doug- Steve Slaton, 177 points (10th rd., No. 110)
C) Reid- Kurt Warner, 244 points (10th rd., No. 112)
D) Don- Leon Washington, 178 points (16th rd., No. 192)
4) WORST VALUE DRAFT PICK
A) Ryan- Vernon Davis, 42.5 points (7th rd., No. 73)
B) Dan- Rashard Mendenhall, 17 points (6th rd., No. 65)
C) Kevin- Nate Burleson, 17.5 points (6th rd. No. 71)
D) Kevin- Chis Perry, 43.5 points (7th rd. No.83)
5) MOST VALUABLE ROOKIE
A) Ben & Britton- Chris Johnson, 170.5 points
B) Jerad- Matt Forte, 207 points
C) Matt- Tyler Thigpen, 155.5 points
D) Ryan- Matt Ryan, 163 points
6) BEST FREE AGENT PICK-UP
A) Matt- Tyler Thigpen, 155.5 points
B) Doug- Eddie Royal, 170.5 points
C) Jerad- LenDale White, 132 points (Yes he was outscored by some free agents, but he had 13 TDs!)
D) Cory- Leon Washington, 178 points
7) BEST TRADE
A) Kevin- GETS: DeSean Jackson & Steve Slaton, FOR: McNabb & Ginn Jr.
B) B & B- GET: Reggie Bush & Jason Witten, FOR: LT and Gates
C) Don- GETS: Eli Manning & Ryan Grant, FOR: McGahee & Orton
D) Ryan- GETS: Joseph Addai & DeAngelo Williams, FOR: Darren McFadden (draft rights) & Plaxico Burress
E) Doug- GETS: LT & Gates, FOR: Reggie Bush & Jason Witten
8) MVP
A) Reid- Phillip Rivers; 249 points, Reid made the playoffs as the No. 6 seed; (Reid also had Kurt Warner who scored 244 points)
B) David- Drew Brees; 246 points, David made the playoffs as the No. 2 seed
C) Jerad- Matt Forte; 207 points, Jerad made the playoffs as the No. 1 seed
D) David- Thomas Jones; 203.5 points
E) Nick- Anquan Boldin; 195 points, Nick made the playoffs as the No. 4 seed
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ALL-T-MOF TEAM
QBs: (Rank 5 players)
-Phillip Rivers- 249 points
-Drew Brees- 246 points
-Kurt Warner- 244 points
-Aaron Rodgers- 236 points
-Jay Cutler- 224 points
RBs: (Rank 5 players)
-Matt Forte- 207 points
-Thomas Jones- 203.5 points
-Michael Turner- 194 points
-Adrian Peterson- 194 points
-Marion Barber- 188.5 points
-DeAngelo Williams- 186 points
-Maurice Jones-Drew- 185.5 points
-LaDainian Tomlinson- 184 points
-Clinton Portis- 181.5 points
-Leon Washington- 178 points
WRs: (Rank 5 players)
-Anquan Boldin- 195 points
-Lary Fitzgerald- 189.5 points
-Greg Jennings- 176 points
-Andre Johnson- 175 points
-Roddy White- 172 points
-Eddie Royal- 170.5 points
-Calvin Johnson- 165.5 points
-Steve Breaston- 157 points
-Santana Moss- 149.5 points
-Terrell Owens- 148 points
TEs: (Rank 5 players)
-Tony Gonzalez- 146.5 points
-Jason Witten- 113 points
-Antonio Gates- 105 points
-Chris Cooley- 101 points
-Owen Daniels- 93 points
RB/WRs (Rank 10 players)
-Matt Forte- 207 points
-Thomas Jones- 203.5 points
-Michael Turner- 194 points
-Adrian Peterson- 194 points
-Marion Barber- 188.5 points
-DeAngelo Williams- 186 points
-Maurice Jones-Drew- 185.5 points
-LaDainian Tomlinson- 184 points
-Clinton Portis- 181.5 points
-Leon Washington- 178 points
-Anquan Boldin- 195 points
-Lary Fitzgerald- 189.5 points
-Greg Jennings- 176 points
-Andre Johnson- 175 points
-Roddy White- 172 points
-Eddie Royal- 170.5 points
-Calvin Johnson- 165.5 points
-Steve Breaston- 157 points
-Santana Moss- 149.5 points
-Terrell Owens- 148 points
DEFs (Rank 5 players)
-BAL- 181 points
-TEN- 169 points
-PIT- 168 points
-TB- 163 points
-NYG- 155 points
Ks
Who the bleep cares about kickers? T-MOF sure doesn't. If Britton and I decide to name one (which is no sure thing) we'll just take the two high scorers and throw them on a team.
Well folks, that concludes the All-T-MOF '08 ballot. Vote wisely. Remember to vote as directed, and to rank enough players for the All-T-MOF Team section.
Some blogs you can look forward to:
-Assuming a few more of you sack up and actually e-mail Britton or myself questions there will be a blog solely dedicated towards answering your questions in the near future.
-We will also post the final All-T-MOF Awards blog sometime after the polls close (Sat. Dec. 13).
-The league champion will have the option to write up a paragraph or two, to be posted on the T-MOF site. In the baseball league, Kevin decided not to take us up on that offer and did this instead.
Here's to hoping the football champ will celebrate like a man.
Let's be honest, those two for the most part, nonsensical sentences above only exist because I felt the need to post three sweet links. Go back and watch the videos. You won't regret it.
Anyway, before Britton and I present you with our first annual 'All-T-MOF Awards' ballot I feel compelled to share my insights on the ever omnipotent playoff picture.
Well, perhaps compelled isn't the right word to describe my feelings. What's the word I'm looking for? Ah, yes... forced.
Unfortunately the playoffs don't appear to be quite so interesting this season. Why, you ask?
Because I still think Doug walks away with this thing. There is only one thing that can stop him, his QB situation. Starting Chad Pennington in your first round playoff match-up is like starting Shaun Hill. Sure it's a gamble that might pay off, but you feel queasy until their games are over.
Doug has LT, Fitz, Michael Turner, Gates, Calvin, and Gore. I just don't see him losing.
Here's a quick breakdown of my thoughts regarding each playoff team:
Jerad- Is good.
Kevin- Is ok.
David- Is pretty good.
Doug- Is great.
Nick- Is bleh.
Reid- Has no Santonio Holmes. Just kidding Reid, I'm still bitter you edged us out. But seriously, I'm not thrilled at your chances.
So there you have it. I know Jerad and David had better regular seasons with less hiccups, but if Vegas were putting lines on our playoffs, Doug would be their clear-cut front runner.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALL-T-MOF '08 Official Ballot
How this will work-You will each have one week from this posting (Sat. Dec. 6th) to turn in your completed ballot. Only votes submitted to me at my g-mail address (benbates1@gmail.com) by no later than 11:59 PM, Sat. Dec. 13th will count as official votes. Britton and I will take potential exceptions into account on a case-by-case basis.
How to vote- You will vote via e-mail by copying and pasting the official ballot with your answers included.
Please do not just number your selections. By including the question with your answer there will be absolute clarity significantly reducing the risk of voting for the wrong choice.
Choices- There will be no write-in-votes permitted. What you see is what you get in terms of voting choices. Only select one choice per category (except the All-T-MOF Team)
All-T-MOF Team voting- To vote for the All-T-MOF Team please rank your choices as directed. Britton and I will tally up the votes using an undisclosed point value system. The results will make up the All-T-MOF First and Second Team.
I will only be posting a player's total fantasy points. Please refer to his stats as well before ranking your players.
Keep in mind these awards will be based upon regular season merits alone (weeks 1-13).
Without further adieu, Britton and I present to you, the official All-T-MOF '08 ballot.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALL-T-MOF '08
1) MANAGER OF THE YEAR
A) Jerad- 12-1 record; start to finish #1 seed
B) David- 11-2 record; finally chose between Manning and Brees
C) Nick- 9-4 record with last year's worst team
D) Doug- 9-4 record; favorite to win it all; first ever blockbuster trade by a serious contender in this league at the deadline (Bush & Witten for LT & Gates)
2) BEST OVER ALL DRAFT
A) Jerad- Forte, Tony Gonzalez, Ray Rice, Eli Manning, Jerious Norwood
B) Nick- Boldin, Jerricho Cotchery, Fred Taylor, Jay Cutler, Devin Hester
C) David- Thomas Jones, Hines Ward, Darren Sproles, Vincent Jackson, Derrick Ward
D) Ben & Britton- Darren McFadden (draft rights from Ryan), Chris Johnson, Santana Moss, Santonio Holmes, David Garrard
3) BEST VALUE DRAFT PICK
A) Ryan- Matt Ryan, 163 points (14th rd., No. 157)
B) Doug- Steve Slaton, 177 points (10th rd., No. 110)
C) Reid- Kurt Warner, 244 points (10th rd., No. 112)
D) Don- Leon Washington, 178 points (16th rd., No. 192)
4) WORST VALUE DRAFT PICK
A) Ryan- Vernon Davis, 42.5 points (7th rd., No. 73)
B) Dan- Rashard Mendenhall, 17 points (6th rd., No. 65)
C) Kevin- Nate Burleson, 17.5 points (6th rd. No. 71)
D) Kevin- Chis Perry, 43.5 points (7th rd. No.83)
5) MOST VALUABLE ROOKIE
A) Ben & Britton- Chris Johnson, 170.5 points
B) Jerad- Matt Forte, 207 points
C) Matt- Tyler Thigpen, 155.5 points
D) Ryan- Matt Ryan, 163 points
6) BEST FREE AGENT PICK-UP
A) Matt- Tyler Thigpen, 155.5 points
B) Doug- Eddie Royal, 170.5 points
C) Jerad- LenDale White, 132 points (Yes he was outscored by some free agents, but he had 13 TDs!)
D) Cory- Leon Washington, 178 points
7) BEST TRADE
A) Kevin- GETS: DeSean Jackson & Steve Slaton, FOR: McNabb & Ginn Jr.
B) B & B- GET: Reggie Bush & Jason Witten, FOR: LT and Gates
C) Don- GETS: Eli Manning & Ryan Grant, FOR: McGahee & Orton
D) Ryan- GETS: Joseph Addai & DeAngelo Williams, FOR: Darren McFadden (draft rights) & Plaxico Burress
E) Doug- GETS: LT & Gates, FOR: Reggie Bush & Jason Witten
8) MVP
A) Reid- Phillip Rivers; 249 points, Reid made the playoffs as the No. 6 seed; (Reid also had Kurt Warner who scored 244 points)
B) David- Drew Brees; 246 points, David made the playoffs as the No. 2 seed
C) Jerad- Matt Forte; 207 points, Jerad made the playoffs as the No. 1 seed
D) David- Thomas Jones; 203.5 points
E) Nick- Anquan Boldin; 195 points, Nick made the playoffs as the No. 4 seed
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALL-T-MOF TEAM
QBs: (Rank 5 players)
-Phillip Rivers- 249 points
-Drew Brees- 246 points
-Kurt Warner- 244 points
-Aaron Rodgers- 236 points
-Jay Cutler- 224 points
RBs: (Rank 5 players)
-Matt Forte- 207 points
-Thomas Jones- 203.5 points
-Michael Turner- 194 points
-Adrian Peterson- 194 points
-Marion Barber- 188.5 points
-DeAngelo Williams- 186 points
-Maurice Jones-Drew- 185.5 points
-LaDainian Tomlinson- 184 points
-Clinton Portis- 181.5 points
-Leon Washington- 178 points
WRs: (Rank 5 players)
-Anquan Boldin- 195 points
-Lary Fitzgerald- 189.5 points
-Greg Jennings- 176 points
-Andre Johnson- 175 points
-Roddy White- 172 points
-Eddie Royal- 170.5 points
-Calvin Johnson- 165.5 points
-Steve Breaston- 157 points
-Santana Moss- 149.5 points
-Terrell Owens- 148 points
TEs: (Rank 5 players)
-Tony Gonzalez- 146.5 points
-Jason Witten- 113 points
-Antonio Gates- 105 points
-Chris Cooley- 101 points
-Owen Daniels- 93 points
RB/WRs (Rank 10 players)
-Matt Forte- 207 points
-Thomas Jones- 203.5 points
-Michael Turner- 194 points
-Adrian Peterson- 194 points
-Marion Barber- 188.5 points
-DeAngelo Williams- 186 points
-Maurice Jones-Drew- 185.5 points
-LaDainian Tomlinson- 184 points
-Clinton Portis- 181.5 points
-Leon Washington- 178 points
-Anquan Boldin- 195 points
-Lary Fitzgerald- 189.5 points
-Greg Jennings- 176 points
-Andre Johnson- 175 points
-Roddy White- 172 points
-Eddie Royal- 170.5 points
-Calvin Johnson- 165.5 points
-Steve Breaston- 157 points
-Santana Moss- 149.5 points
-Terrell Owens- 148 points
DEFs (Rank 5 players)
-BAL- 181 points
-TEN- 169 points
-PIT- 168 points
-TB- 163 points
-NYG- 155 points
Ks
Who the bleep cares about kickers? T-MOF sure doesn't. If Britton and I decide to name one (which is no sure thing) we'll just take the two high scorers and throw them on a team.
Well folks, that concludes the All-T-MOF '08 ballot. Vote wisely. Remember to vote as directed, and to rank enough players for the All-T-MOF Team section.
Some blogs you can look forward to:
-Assuming a few more of you sack up and actually e-mail Britton or myself questions there will be a blog solely dedicated towards answering your questions in the near future.
-We will also post the final All-T-MOF Awards blog sometime after the polls close (Sat. Dec. 13).
-The league champion will have the option to write up a paragraph or two, to be posted on the T-MOF site. In the baseball league, Kevin decided not to take us up on that offer and did this instead.
Here's to hoping the football champ will celebrate like a man.
11/26/2008
An Evening With: Nick 'Nolte' Nevares
My friends, on this the Turkey Day of 2008, I am excited to give you the gift of happiness. This gift of course comes in the form of yet another 'An Evening With' blog.
Today we have the chance to get to know one of the most radiant personalities in the entire league; Nick Nevares.
Mr. Nevares can be called many things (scum bag, deviant, irritating, not funny, ect...) but above all things he should be called, fantasy obsessed.
The man lives and breathes fantasy sports. In no way is that a bad thing.
Now if you will, please enjoy yourselves as you breathe in Nick Nevares himself.
Enjoy.
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BB: Nicholas, you were known to meander inside T-MOF's website and take a gander from time to time, long before you became a member; what inspired you most, and what implored you to join these ranks?
NN: I must say that the appealing picture of one Ben Bates and Mr. Dennis creatively reaching over their collective shoulders, in efforts to make a Dodger Stadium catch, originally caught my eye. Currently my friends and I discuss the merits of the T-MOF blog and wonder if we could construct such a wondrous work of art. I must say I just enjoy the feeling of camaraderie. I just hope that it takes a swing in the positive direction as soon as I get LJ off my team. Speaking of which, Ben, I have some swampland in Florida to sell you? And may I mention that swampland throws drinks in the face of women? While on that note Ben, please help me understand why exactly a man can chop up some coke in his car and then go out and turn in 6 catches for 77, which a poor brother who spills one drink sits down for 3 weeks? That must be it, Roger G hates the black man!
BB: You are a racial informant we all can get on board with. If you could change any one thing about fantasy sports, what would you change and why?
NN: I am in an open debate here between:
a) A requirement of an in person draft. I don't care if this occurs via web cam or anything, but there must be face to face contact between all owners. I will always think back about how I chose to tell our friend Tom, that his buddy Mike was late to the league draft because he was busy banging Tom's wife. That, in turn caused Tom to completely unravel for the rest of the draft and fall apart as an owner for years to come. It literally crushed his fantasy baseball draft nearly eight months later. I will never forget that as my greatest contribution to fantasy. Although, he may have punched me in the face had the draft been in person. Still....an essential plan.
b) Eliminate kickers. Seriously, its a crap shoot. What real worth does it have to watch wheter Ryan Longwell can rain another 50 plus yarder in an attempt to win you a game? I just hate everything about Kickers. Really now, Jose Cortez comes in from a Home Depot job to kick field goals for the Niners? Then, he parlays that into a career of kicking for America's Team after that? Jesus lord Christ, people are serious with this aren't they? Kickers are allowed to play football. My head is currently shaking. I hate kickers.
BB: Somehow you managed to parlay a simple question into a Jose Cortez rant. The world looks up to you in awe of your brilliance! If you owned an Irish pub, what would you call it and what style of owner/ bartender would you be?
NN: Oh goodness, that is actually a challenge. I cannot immediately come up with some witty quip in an effort to humor all those near to me. I may go with a Nicolas O'Murphy's. I think it would be a little bit of a shout out to the Jose O'Rielly's, Carols Murphy's trend. I would certainly have the little rivery lake, its a small world water feature that the Carlos Murphy's down here in Grossmont center had. That thing was freaking amazing. The only difference being that my pub would be absolutely out of control. I would be the loudest, sports cheering bartender ever. I must say that being able to yell at the top of my lungs and kick people out on a whim has its certain appeal. The question being, do I need to learn all things Irish? Like must I learn about, shit they call it different stuff, I teach an ESPN article about this in class. Gaelic Football? That's the Irish term for Rugby isn't it? Yeah, I am only showing that on all my TVs. I wonder if there is s DirecTV package to allow me access to all the games. Hmm, note to self.
BB: Any sports bar with rugby, is my kind of sports bar. Say you are put in charge of creating a giant balloon character for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade; what would your character be?
NN: Captain Planet. The throw back. Are you serious? Imagine that guy just floating down the street. The young kids are like mom what the hell is that silver painted, green-haired douche doing floating where a Cheetah Girl should be? In all truth, that would be the high point of my life to see him soaring high in the sky once more. It is a timeless symbol of my youth, and really a credit to all of society. With our powers combined, we can see his return
BB: A throwback for the ages indeed! Fox puts you in charge of the next Simpsons episode with a sports theme; who would you put in the show, and what would it be about?
NN: I would immediately discontinue the show and save America. The last time the Simpsons were funny, were the days I was a legend in StickeyBear math and was being shuttled off from my 3rd grade peers to learn long division with the 4th graders. The Simpsons are evil
*Editor's Note* The Simpsons aren't evil. They are awesome. Always and forever.
BB: You have the opportunity to take the reins with any professional football team. Which team would you choose and what would your first move be?
NN: Niners. We know this. I immediately sign Isaac Bruce to a 40 year extension. For there on out, I only draft defensive talent, trade Nate Clements contract, cut Michael Lewis and build a young hardworking nucleus of talent. Get the defensive off the field and even Shaun Hill can lead us to victory.
BB: Your jester-like personality is infectious! You are presented with the opportunity to compensate Britton for selling him a bum XBOX 360; do you?
NN: That thing was beautiful. It came with free games just because I care about him. Bill Gates hatred for Britton is not my fault, and he knows it. The thing had a warranty, take it up with Xbox, I did...again, and got another one repaired.
*A Note From Britton* The XBOX in question did not come with a warranty.
BB: In all seriousness, would you rather be an average professional athlete with an average salary wins multiple championships (3-5) or an eventual hall-of-famer who is also paid like one, but never wins a championship?
NN: Robert Horry gets a ton of replays, has eight rings, but will never know what uniform to retire in. Tony Gwynn, is a god in this city. An obese, odd looking man, can sit in the stands whereever he goes and be thronged by swarms of human beings as if he is a Jonas brother. I know, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, you can keep all your rings, just give me my own wing in the Hall of Fame. I think there are few things that even compare to being the best at something.
It is sort of the way I envision playing Britton in NBA 2K9. I just see the constant spin moves with Chris Paul spinning around his Chris Kaman led defense. In all reality, that is the player I see myself as, a dynamic quick floor leader. Whereas, Britton, he remains a confused malcontent like Kaman, who sits alone in his home with his strange personality conflicts and even more depressing caveman hair. When that meets the strange bearded nonsense of a man who sold out America to make the Olympics as a German.
I cannot begin to understand how this has anything to do with Britton, but I am sure there was some logic to this particular attack on the innocent passersby.
BB: You have literally taken my breath away. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?
NN: The Cowardly Lion. But really only for the hair. I mean have you seen the glory of his perfectly manicured locks? Those things are a radiant golden shade. People don't have to hate on him because of his struggles with personal confidence. They just need to respect a man with amazing hair.
BB: Absolutely. What is your favorite fantasy word?
NN: Upside.
Are you serious? That is the word of the century. It is the reason people actually draft Kevin Love. How many white guys in the first round really do damage in the league? Did you know that Joel Pryzbilla was taken 9th overall? Really, did you know the Rockets spent the 9th overall pick on him. Think about that for a minute, just stop and think. New NBA rule....draft black guys. Its a simple strategy.
BB: And your least favorite?
NN: Projected value.
I watch ESPN every Sunday and it tells me how many catches, yards, and scores each player is going to get. Please, please share with me how Eric Karabell, and his glasses, really understands the dynamics of an entire football game. Honestly, I wish they didn't even do a projected value. I was told Devin Hester lost his value, that he wouldn't return kicks, time to dump him in all but the deepest of leagues....so I benched him, and he went off for 11 points. Those points would have won me the game...but he was on my bench. Next year, delete the projections and let me go at it willy nilly. Hell, I am only going to start reading stats out of the newspaper from now on.
BB: Let's try a round of word association. I'll say a word or phrase and you say whatever comes to your mind first.
BB: Rudy; NN: Casciato...sorry only Britton gets it. The mans' phone number is written on my hands as I am typing this. Honestly, a quick second was....Johnson's Gucci Luggage.
BB: 5 dollar foot long; NN: At Subway....made by my criminal students and probably laced with some sort of drug product. Seriously, they all get high and then make me sandwiches. By the way, how come the ham sandwich is a 5 dollar footlong, but the turkey, or ham and turkey no longer is? That's horseshit
BB: Alex Smith; NN: Should have never left Helix High
BB: Doug Downing; NN: Doug Drabek?
BB: Very good.
BB: University of Oregon's football uniforms; NN: Prefontaine and Nike have given them too much money. But the yellow is the hotness
BB: Flatulence; NN: dutch oven
BB: John Madden; NN: Is a robot. My student insisted it was true and I fought to get him expelled every day for such a crime against the church
BB: Uro-Misotisis; NN: Popeye's chicken?
BB: I'm sorry. You biffed that one. Acceptable answers would have been, Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, or parking lot urination.
BB: Marvin Harrison's guns; NN: Safeties don't hit him as hard. Cause they know he be comin' at them in the streets if they do. He gets down and dirty. He has now joined the real longest yard team...along with Ray Lewis...and...OJ
BB: Jim Rome; NN: The white Stephen A. Smith
BB: If you could plant a half-empty bottle of Grey Goose and a hatchet in the trunk of any NFL player's vehicle, who's would you?
NN: Popeye Jones....shit he plays in the NBA. Roy Williams...the black one, not he KU coach, or the UT receiver, where did he go TAMU? the Safety? king horse collar? Yeah, him, I want him dead. Either him or...lets see...Roddy White, for not making me aware of the fact I should've keepered him. Can we go back in time and let me keep Roddy and not LJ, that may have changed the world. Let me do that, and all is well in this world
BB: I'm pleased to discover 'keeper' can be made into a verb. Say Jimmy Kimmel asks you to pull a prank on a person in this league he can film and run on his show; what would you do and to whom?
NN: I would prank Jimmy Kimmel. End of story. I also hate him.
BB: Humor us if you would; compare a few members of this league to Sesame Street characters.
NN: Britton is the Cookie Monster...obviously.
Ben is...what is Ben? In my heart, I see Ben as a bit of a Snuffleupagus. I mean he just has that kindly laissez-faire attitude to him
Ryan Root...seriously the only other name I know off the top of my head.....I see him more as a Nathan from Yo Gabba Gabba.
BB: Impressive, at least eight of us would have mentioned Kevin and Cory. And finally, if you could say anything to anyone, what would you say, and to whom?
NN: To Chris Malimban....Chris, I am sorry I grabbed that lose string on your backpack in third grade man...I just wanted to see what would happen if I ran and ran and ran with it. I guess, as it turns out, that tore your entire backpack across. Thankfully Mr. Anella was looking out for you and made me buy you a new one. Sadly, I saw you at Fashion Valley, like three years ago, and it seems as if you have fallen on tough time man. Your hair was a mess, and you have more piercings than I do video games...so man, I guess I really did you wrong. My bad I guess?
And on that note....Seacrest out!
BB: Fascinating! That is other than the part about Ryan Seacrest of course. Nicholas, it has been nothing short of an honor and a pleasure to spend an evening with you.
Today we have the chance to get to know one of the most radiant personalities in the entire league; Nick Nevares.
Mr. Nevares can be called many things (scum bag, deviant, irritating, not funny, ect...) but above all things he should be called, fantasy obsessed.
The man lives and breathes fantasy sports. In no way is that a bad thing.
Now if you will, please enjoy yourselves as you breathe in Nick Nevares himself.
Enjoy.
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BB: Nicholas, you were known to meander inside T-MOF's website and take a gander from time to time, long before you became a member; what inspired you most, and what implored you to join these ranks?
NN: I must say that the appealing picture of one Ben Bates and Mr. Dennis creatively reaching over their collective shoulders, in efforts to make a Dodger Stadium catch, originally caught my eye. Currently my friends and I discuss the merits of the T-MOF blog and wonder if we could construct such a wondrous work of art. I must say I just enjoy the feeling of camaraderie. I just hope that it takes a swing in the positive direction as soon as I get LJ off my team. Speaking of which, Ben, I have some swampland in Florida to sell you? And may I mention that swampland throws drinks in the face of women? While on that note Ben, please help me understand why exactly a man can chop up some coke in his car and then go out and turn in 6 catches for 77, which a poor brother who spills one drink sits down for 3 weeks? That must be it, Roger G hates the black man!
BB: You are a racial informant we all can get on board with. If you could change any one thing about fantasy sports, what would you change and why?
NN: I am in an open debate here between:
a) A requirement of an in person draft. I don't care if this occurs via web cam or anything, but there must be face to face contact between all owners. I will always think back about how I chose to tell our friend Tom, that his buddy Mike was late to the league draft because he was busy banging Tom's wife. That, in turn caused Tom to completely unravel for the rest of the draft and fall apart as an owner for years to come. It literally crushed his fantasy baseball draft nearly eight months later. I will never forget that as my greatest contribution to fantasy. Although, he may have punched me in the face had the draft been in person. Still....an essential plan.
b) Eliminate kickers. Seriously, its a crap shoot. What real worth does it have to watch wheter Ryan Longwell can rain another 50 plus yarder in an attempt to win you a game? I just hate everything about Kickers. Really now, Jose Cortez comes in from a Home Depot job to kick field goals for the Niners? Then, he parlays that into a career of kicking for America's Team after that? Jesus lord Christ, people are serious with this aren't they? Kickers are allowed to play football. My head is currently shaking. I hate kickers.
BB: Somehow you managed to parlay a simple question into a Jose Cortez rant. The world looks up to you in awe of your brilliance! If you owned an Irish pub, what would you call it and what style of owner/ bartender would you be?
NN: Oh goodness, that is actually a challenge. I cannot immediately come up with some witty quip in an effort to humor all those near to me. I may go with a Nicolas O'Murphy's. I think it would be a little bit of a shout out to the Jose O'Rielly's, Carols Murphy's trend. I would certainly have the little rivery lake, its a small world water feature that the Carlos Murphy's down here in Grossmont center had. That thing was freaking amazing. The only difference being that my pub would be absolutely out of control. I would be the loudest, sports cheering bartender ever. I must say that being able to yell at the top of my lungs and kick people out on a whim has its certain appeal. The question being, do I need to learn all things Irish? Like must I learn about, shit they call it different stuff, I teach an ESPN article about this in class. Gaelic Football? That's the Irish term for Rugby isn't it? Yeah, I am only showing that on all my TVs. I wonder if there is s DirecTV package to allow me access to all the games. Hmm, note to self.
BB: Any sports bar with rugby, is my kind of sports bar. Say you are put in charge of creating a giant balloon character for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade; what would your character be?
NN: Captain Planet. The throw back. Are you serious? Imagine that guy just floating down the street. The young kids are like mom what the hell is that silver painted, green-haired douche doing floating where a Cheetah Girl should be? In all truth, that would be the high point of my life to see him soaring high in the sky once more. It is a timeless symbol of my youth, and really a credit to all of society. With our powers combined, we can see his return
BB: A throwback for the ages indeed! Fox puts you in charge of the next Simpsons episode with a sports theme; who would you put in the show, and what would it be about?
NN: I would immediately discontinue the show and save America. The last time the Simpsons were funny, were the days I was a legend in StickeyBear math and was being shuttled off from my 3rd grade peers to learn long division with the 4th graders. The Simpsons are evil
*Editor's Note* The Simpsons aren't evil. They are awesome. Always and forever.
BB: You have the opportunity to take the reins with any professional football team. Which team would you choose and what would your first move be?
NN: Niners. We know this. I immediately sign Isaac Bruce to a 40 year extension. For there on out, I only draft defensive talent, trade Nate Clements contract, cut Michael Lewis and build a young hardworking nucleus of talent. Get the defensive off the field and even Shaun Hill can lead us to victory.
BB: Your jester-like personality is infectious! You are presented with the opportunity to compensate Britton for selling him a bum XBOX 360; do you?
NN: That thing was beautiful. It came with free games just because I care about him. Bill Gates hatred for Britton is not my fault, and he knows it. The thing had a warranty, take it up with Xbox, I did...again, and got another one repaired.
*A Note From Britton* The XBOX in question did not come with a warranty.
BB: In all seriousness, would you rather be an average professional athlete with an average salary wins multiple championships (3-5) or an eventual hall-of-famer who is also paid like one, but never wins a championship?
NN: Robert Horry gets a ton of replays, has eight rings, but will never know what uniform to retire in. Tony Gwynn, is a god in this city. An obese, odd looking man, can sit in the stands whereever he goes and be thronged by swarms of human beings as if he is a Jonas brother. I know, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, you can keep all your rings, just give me my own wing in the Hall of Fame. I think there are few things that even compare to being the best at something.
It is sort of the way I envision playing Britton in NBA 2K9. I just see the constant spin moves with Chris Paul spinning around his Chris Kaman led defense. In all reality, that is the player I see myself as, a dynamic quick floor leader. Whereas, Britton, he remains a confused malcontent like Kaman, who sits alone in his home with his strange personality conflicts and even more depressing caveman hair. When that meets the strange bearded nonsense of a man who sold out America to make the Olympics as a German.
I cannot begin to understand how this has anything to do with Britton, but I am sure there was some logic to this particular attack on the innocent passersby.
BB: You have literally taken my breath away. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?
NN: The Cowardly Lion. But really only for the hair. I mean have you seen the glory of his perfectly manicured locks? Those things are a radiant golden shade. People don't have to hate on him because of his struggles with personal confidence. They just need to respect a man with amazing hair.
BB: Absolutely. What is your favorite fantasy word?
NN: Upside.
Are you serious? That is the word of the century. It is the reason people actually draft Kevin Love. How many white guys in the first round really do damage in the league? Did you know that Joel Pryzbilla was taken 9th overall? Really, did you know the Rockets spent the 9th overall pick on him. Think about that for a minute, just stop and think. New NBA rule....draft black guys. Its a simple strategy.
BB: And your least favorite?
NN: Projected value.
I watch ESPN every Sunday and it tells me how many catches, yards, and scores each player is going to get. Please, please share with me how Eric Karabell, and his glasses, really understands the dynamics of an entire football game. Honestly, I wish they didn't even do a projected value. I was told Devin Hester lost his value, that he wouldn't return kicks, time to dump him in all but the deepest of leagues....so I benched him, and he went off for 11 points. Those points would have won me the game...but he was on my bench. Next year, delete the projections and let me go at it willy nilly. Hell, I am only going to start reading stats out of the newspaper from now on.
BB: Let's try a round of word association. I'll say a word or phrase and you say whatever comes to your mind first.
BB: Rudy; NN: Casciato...sorry only Britton gets it. The mans' phone number is written on my hands as I am typing this. Honestly, a quick second was....Johnson's Gucci Luggage.
BB: 5 dollar foot long; NN: At Subway....made by my criminal students and probably laced with some sort of drug product. Seriously, they all get high and then make me sandwiches. By the way, how come the ham sandwich is a 5 dollar footlong, but the turkey, or ham and turkey no longer is? That's horseshit
BB: Alex Smith; NN: Should have never left Helix High
BB: Doug Downing; NN: Doug Drabek?
BB: Very good.
BB: University of Oregon's football uniforms; NN: Prefontaine and Nike have given them too much money. But the yellow is the hotness
BB: Flatulence; NN: dutch oven
BB: John Madden; NN: Is a robot. My student insisted it was true and I fought to get him expelled every day for such a crime against the church
BB: Uro-Misotisis; NN: Popeye's chicken?
BB: I'm sorry. You biffed that one. Acceptable answers would have been, Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, or parking lot urination.
BB: Marvin Harrison's guns; NN: Safeties don't hit him as hard. Cause they know he be comin' at them in the streets if they do. He gets down and dirty. He has now joined the real longest yard team...along with Ray Lewis...and...OJ
BB: Jim Rome; NN: The white Stephen A. Smith
BB: If you could plant a half-empty bottle of Grey Goose and a hatchet in the trunk of any NFL player's vehicle, who's would you?
NN: Popeye Jones....shit he plays in the NBA. Roy Williams...the black one, not he KU coach, or the UT receiver, where did he go TAMU? the Safety? king horse collar? Yeah, him, I want him dead. Either him or...lets see...Roddy White, for not making me aware of the fact I should've keepered him. Can we go back in time and let me keep Roddy and not LJ, that may have changed the world. Let me do that, and all is well in this world
BB: I'm pleased to discover 'keeper' can be made into a verb. Say Jimmy Kimmel asks you to pull a prank on a person in this league he can film and run on his show; what would you do and to whom?
NN: I would prank Jimmy Kimmel. End of story. I also hate him.
BB: Humor us if you would; compare a few members of this league to Sesame Street characters.
NN: Britton is the Cookie Monster...obviously.
Ben is...what is Ben? In my heart, I see Ben as a bit of a Snuffleupagus. I mean he just has that kindly laissez-faire attitude to him
Ryan Root...seriously the only other name I know off the top of my head.....I see him more as a Nathan from Yo Gabba Gabba.
BB: Impressive, at least eight of us would have mentioned Kevin and Cory. And finally, if you could say anything to anyone, what would you say, and to whom?
NN: To Chris Malimban....Chris, I am sorry I grabbed that lose string on your backpack in third grade man...I just wanted to see what would happen if I ran and ran and ran with it. I guess, as it turns out, that tore your entire backpack across. Thankfully Mr. Anella was looking out for you and made me buy you a new one. Sadly, I saw you at Fashion Valley, like three years ago, and it seems as if you have fallen on tough time man. Your hair was a mess, and you have more piercings than I do video games...so man, I guess I really did you wrong. My bad I guess?
And on that note....Seacrest out!
BB: Fascinating! That is other than the part about Ryan Seacrest of course. Nicholas, it has been nothing short of an honor and a pleasure to spend an evening with you.
11/20/2008
Ben's Jumbelia: Week 12
While taking a quick break from shredding on Rockband 2, I couldn't help but notice the latest wave of free agent moves, the two of most notable by our very own Kevin 'Harpoon Man' Le Duc. On one hand Kevin acquired Don's first pick (and second overall) from the preseason expansion draft, Carson Palmer, which both writers from this site pimped as a great pick. Needless to say, Palmer hasn't lived up to expectations this season. Still, a solid pick-up for a guy known to fantasize over potential keepers.
The second move was a bit more questionable. When Kevin and Cory got together one brisk Thursday evening, for a session, Kevin ended the night leaving withherpes Earnest Graham, Tennessee's defense, and a seldom used backup running back/ kick returner.
The trade couldn't be finalized, as it was a bit premature, so Kevin and Cory couldn't actually receive their new players until this past Monday (Nov. 17). Two days later (Nov. 19) Kevin dropped one of the two "significant" players he received in the deal.
Now I'm not saying there is anything fishy about Kevin and Cory's trade. Their relationship maybe, but not the trade.
Graham finds himself out for the season, placed on the injured reserve list. In addition to that, his role will most likely be diminishing next season healthy or not with Cadillac Williams back. Knowing both of those things, it's hard to imagine a scenario where Graham cracks the tetrad of Brandon Marshall, Peyton Manning, Brandon Jacobs and Clinton Portis.
Still, this isn't a Harpoon Man type of move so it is a bit perplexing. Kevin usually hangs onto potential keepers for dear life.
Now in more important news, Don has finally taken offense to his low rankings, as he has routinely found himself in the 12-spot. Don, I am a fair man. I hold no grudges and collect no enemies. You have three wins and for the first time in your short history in this league, a winning streak as well. Remember, in September, I liked your team loads more than your fellow expansionist.
Will you finally be moved out of the cellar this week? Let's find out...
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The 'You're Five Foot Nothin' Tier
(For teams that play like they are the size of Sean Astin)
12) Bye Bye Brady
Cory we have finally come full circle to where we were at the start of the season. I'd like to put you higher, but you are riding a six game losing streak, are out of the playoff chase, and your keepers don't look all that promising.
Year one of the Kevin/ Cory split hasn't gone well for you. Just pray that Brady comes back strong next year.
MVP- The only player who has a match-up I like this week for Cory is Jason Campbell, against Seattle. He's the pick.
LVP- This could go to pretty much anyone on Ritz's team, but let's go with DeSean Jackson. I don't expect the little man from CAL to do much against Baltimore.
Doghouse Dandy- Earnest Graham is out for the year, so apparently trading him was a great idea. This honor goes back to the man who made this season possible for Cory; Tom Brady.
11) First Down Syndrome
Dan, first of all it was a tough call between you and Don here. You both have played below expectations, but you both are also showing a tiny bit of promise for the future with your new QBs. Since Eli is clearly better than Quinn though, I'm dropping you down.
While FDS certainly hasn't played well, this is the one team with enough upside to completely turn things around as soon as next season. If Quinn progresses well, and Edwards and Chad both get their mojo back, Dan will have a nice trio of players to team up with Adrian Peterson next year. In addition, it isn't out of the question that Dan could end up with a top three pick in the draft. If that happens I expect Dan to contend next year.
For now though, he stinks.
MVP- Both Quinn and Edwards have great match-ups against Houston this week. Opposing QBs are averaging higher than a 100.0 rating against Houston this year. If Quinn was healthy I'd pick him. But he's not so Edwards will be the MVP.
LVP- Justin Fargas is still getting almost exclusive carries, but still isn't doing anything with them. Dan created a bizzaro league last year where this gist was, a player who plays a ton, but plays very poorly is extremely valuable. Justin Fargas would be a contender for the bizzaro MVP.
Doghouse Dandy- Chad Johnson strikes again. Dan still has to be happy with the fact it only took Torry Holt to get Chad, but can't be happy that Chad has done virtually nothing for him.
10) Longies
Don, you finally made it! Sure you're in the bottom tier still, but at least you aren't twelfth anymore.
There isn't a ton to be excited about with this team, but it is on a two game winning streak, and it does have Eli Manning.
It appears as though Don may be quietly developing another bonafide decent keeper, right under our noses. Kevin Smith (yes, he plays for Detroit) is beginning to play well. He's the undisputed starter for the Lions and he may end up the same for Don next year.
MVP- Eli Manning. The Cards have played well, but the Giants have played better.
LVP- Kevin Faulk. He is a hit or miss guy. I say he misses.
Doghouse Dandy- Roy Williams really needs to grow a pair and start earning his keep.
The 'Co-stanza! It'll Get In Your Head!' Tier
(For teams that you don't quite like but can't quite get out of your head)
9) Bayside Tigers
Matt apparently didn't get the memo that the league doesn't think his team is as bad as his record shows. He felt compelled to create a BCS style ranking system, proving he wasn't terrible. Matt we all believe you, you don't have to convince us!
It's simply another case of the curse of the defending champion.
MVP- Steve Slaton against The Cleve? Count me in!
LVP- Pierre Thomas. I'm underwhelmed with the guy, what can I say?
Doghouse Dandy- Torry Holt. Yikes.
8) CedricBenson4Pres.
Here we sit a week later, and my feelings towards this feisty little bunch Root has assembled haven't changed. I can't help but like this underdeveloped little bunch. Matt Ryan, Marques Colston, Joseph Addai, DeAngelo Williams, Marshawn Lynch and Tim Hightower? I just can't figure it out, but I dig it.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think Ryan will have another tough set of keeper decisions this year. Unlike last year, it's a good thing.
Wow.
MVP- Marshawn Lynch should be able to get things going against KC.
LVP- Tim Hightower. I doubt the Cards run much against the G-Men.
Doghouse Dandy- Ryan is still waiting on Marques Colston's first TD of the year.
The 'I'm Gonna Go All-In Because I Don't Think You Have The Spades' Tier
(For teams that probably don't have what they want you to think they have)
7) Sweep The Leg!!!
Two of the three teams fighting to the bitter end for the final two playoff spots won last week. The Leg wasn't one of them. Strangely STL!!! still finds itself in control of their own playoff destiny as they are 78 points ahead of Reid for the final spot.
Both Sweep and Big Balls have big time match-ups this week. B & B face off against Dan and Reid against Nick. If one wins and the other loses, that may be all she wrote for the loser.
Word on the street is STL!!!'s best player, Reggie Bush, may be returning to action this week.
I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
MVP- Santana Moss is playing Seattle. Enough said.
LVP- If Favre or Garrard plays it will be one of them. If the unthinkable happens and Jeff Garcia starts? I don't even want to think about that one.
Doghouse Dandy- If Bush misses another game it's him. Assuming he starts however, it's Darren McFadden.
6) Big Balls
Reid continued his playoff push last week by kicking the crap out of Dan. I'll be honest, his chances look a little more than decent at this point. He plays Nick this week, and Matt next. Those to have a combined record of 10-12.
B & B have to play Dan this week and Nick the next. Their opponents have a combined record of 12-10.
Kevin sitting one game up on both STL!!! and Big Balls has yet to play Doug and Dan, with a combined record of 12-10.
Needless to say this is going to be a tight one, but as we stand, I'd bet on Reid making the playoffs.
Here's to hoping I'm wrong.
MVP- Kurt Warner. It has to be. I know the Giants abuse opposing QBs, but if Kurt Warner doesn't find a way to put up big numbers regardless, all the junk I mentioned previously will not matter. If Warner doesn't find a way to step up, I don't think Reid beats Nick, and if Reid doesn't beat Nick, he's not going to make the playoffs. I don't see B & B, or Kevin losing two weeks in a row.
LVP- MoJo. I don't see a big game coming up against Minny. Reid Also needs Jones-Drew to step up here and prove me wrong.
Doghouse Dandy- Phillip Rivers, though it's not really his fault. Warner has simply been flat-out out-playing him.
5) TheEvilAnimal Slayer
Just a cruel name all-around, and there's really no other way to say it. Kevin's new names have been mildly entertaining though, so there is that.
I won't bore us all by regurgitating more of the same playoff chase info. Especially since there is virtually no way Kevin will find himself excluded in. Instead I'd like to put my creativity to better use.
If Kevin and Cory were to playwith each other, what would Kevin name his team? Here are a few I was able to come up with quickly in no particular order:
1) GiveMeYour Brady!
2) Bend Over Brady!
3) I'llTomYour Brady!
4) Cory's Big Brady
5) Bye Bye Baby
But in all seriousness. I think it's time to put the Kevin and Cory like each other in that way jokes to rest. Cory's married for cripes sake! YES TO A FEMALE. Enough is enough, let's all find more productive ways to use our energy rather than continuing to recycle the same jokes.
(However if you choose to use your creativity and energy to continue this list with team names of your own in the comments section of this blog, by no means am I here to tell you what you should, or should not do.)
MVP- Either Portis against Seattle or Marshall against Oakland, both are big time players playing against terrible defenses. Kevin should have a huge week, and clinch a playoff berth this week against Nick. Once again, I openly admit I was wrong about Kevin's team at the beginning of the year. His bunch is legit. With another win he will find himself in the next tier.
LVP- Leon Washington because someone has to 'win' this honor.
Doghouse Dandy- Julius Jones is the one player Kevin was wrong in about. He sucks, just plain awful.
4) Karen Franke
As much as I give Kevin props for his own team name idea, I take props away from Nick. Karen Franke is one of the Top-5 worst fantasy football team names I have ever seen in a league I have played in. Yeah it's great she was the teacher before you and Britton. Yada, yada, yada, it's still a poorly chosen fantasy name.
Nick has done a wonderful job taking the last place team from a year ago, and turning it into a playoff team. With that said, I think it's clear his ship has begun to slowing take on water. Any of the potential playoff teams have a shot at beating him, and the most likely candidates are Jerad, Doug, Kevin, and David. I can't see Nick beating any of those four teams.
Still a successful first season. Welcome to the league Nick.
MVP- Anquan Boldin, which bodes well for Reid, as one would assume if Boldin does well Warner will as well. Boldin has been great since returning from injury, and he should keep it up against New York.
LVP- Issac Bruce. Wait... is Nick serious here? Is this a joke? I think he's really going to play Issac Bruce. Wow. Nick I feel you on being a Niner fan, I really do (I'm one too). But still man, Issac Bruce?!?!?
Good Lord.
*Bruce has four fantasy points in the past three weeks.
Doghouse Dandy- Steven Jackson hasn't done anything at all of late.
The 'I'm Your Huckleberry' Tier
(For teams that are good enough to be No. 1)
3) America's Team VII
Has there been a more undervalued top notch team this year? What is this like eight weeks running David has been ranked No. 3 by either Britton, myself or both of us?
I think it's clear that either Jerad or Doug must be favored at this point, but is it that inconceivable to think David can knock those guys off?
Seriously, is it?
/yeah, it probably is.
MVP- Drew Brees. He just keeps putting up numbers.
LVP- Thomas Jones. My gut tells me the Jets try to win this one through the air.
Doghouse Dandy- Tom Brady. Wait... WHAT??? Look, if Brady hadn't gone down in Week 1 Randy Moss would be cappin' fools. So Brady get's the blame.
2) daytwodaddy
Jerad finally lost, and with it fell his number one ranking. He's still a great force, and he still could win it all. But My money's on 'Down and Dirty'.
In other news, Romo and Owens should both eat San Francisco alive. So he has that goin' for him, which is nice.
MVP- Romo & Owens. Take your pick. They will both own SF.
LVP- Willis McGahee because I think Philly comes out with a mean streak after last week.
Doghouse Dandy- Jerad is 10-1. How would he have a guy in his dog house?
The 'You... Beat Me... At Golf?!?!?' Tier
(For a guy who shouldn't lose the rest of the way)
1) Evil Petting Zoo
Doug I have to hand it to you. You had a great week. You beat Jerad, were featured in this week's edition of 'An Evening With' and have rightfully taken your place as the chosen one.
Can you be stopped?
The people are calling out to you Doug. Will you answer the bell?
MVP- LT. He should finally have his coming out party this week. It's about time Tomlinson.
LVP- Frank Gore. I'm telling you, SF is going to have a bad day against Britton's 'boys.
Doghouse Dandy- Doug is on top of the mountain and thanks every last one of his guys for it. He buys his men ice chests full of beer after every game. He is a great owner who everyone desires to play for.
Long live 'Down and Dirty' Doug Downing.
That's it for this week. Don't forget to tell me how much of a jackass I am!
The second move was a bit more questionable. When Kevin and Cory got together one brisk Thursday evening, for a session, Kevin ended the night leaving with
The trade couldn't be finalized, as it was a bit premature, so Kevin and Cory couldn't actually receive their new players until this past Monday (Nov. 17). Two days later (Nov. 19) Kevin dropped one of the two "significant" players he received in the deal.
Now I'm not saying there is anything fishy about Kevin and Cory's trade. Their relationship maybe, but not the trade.
Graham finds himself out for the season, placed on the injured reserve list. In addition to that, his role will most likely be diminishing next season healthy or not with Cadillac Williams back. Knowing both of those things, it's hard to imagine a scenario where Graham cracks the tetrad of Brandon Marshall, Peyton Manning, Brandon Jacobs and Clinton Portis.
Still, this isn't a Harpoon Man type of move so it is a bit perplexing. Kevin usually hangs onto potential keepers for dear life.
Now in more important news, Don has finally taken offense to his low rankings, as he has routinely found himself in the 12-spot. Don, I am a fair man. I hold no grudges and collect no enemies. You have three wins and for the first time in your short history in this league, a winning streak as well. Remember, in September, I liked your team loads more than your fellow expansionist.
Will you finally be moved out of the cellar this week? Let's find out...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 'You're Five Foot Nothin' Tier
(For teams that play like they are the size of Sean Astin)
12) Bye Bye Brady
Cory we have finally come full circle to where we were at the start of the season. I'd like to put you higher, but you are riding a six game losing streak, are out of the playoff chase, and your keepers don't look all that promising.
Year one of the Kevin/ Cory split hasn't gone well for you. Just pray that Brady comes back strong next year.
MVP- The only player who has a match-up I like this week for Cory is Jason Campbell, against Seattle. He's the pick.
LVP- This could go to pretty much anyone on Ritz's team, but let's go with DeSean Jackson. I don't expect the little man from CAL to do much against Baltimore.
Doghouse Dandy- Earnest Graham is out for the year, so apparently trading him was a great idea. This honor goes back to the man who made this season possible for Cory; Tom Brady.
11) First Down Syndrome
Dan, first of all it was a tough call between you and Don here. You both have played below expectations, but you both are also showing a tiny bit of promise for the future with your new QBs. Since Eli is clearly better than Quinn though, I'm dropping you down.
While FDS certainly hasn't played well, this is the one team with enough upside to completely turn things around as soon as next season. If Quinn progresses well, and Edwards and Chad both get their mojo back, Dan will have a nice trio of players to team up with Adrian Peterson next year. In addition, it isn't out of the question that Dan could end up with a top three pick in the draft. If that happens I expect Dan to contend next year.
For now though, he stinks.
MVP- Both Quinn and Edwards have great match-ups against Houston this week. Opposing QBs are averaging higher than a 100.0 rating against Houston this year. If Quinn was healthy I'd pick him. But he's not so Edwards will be the MVP.
LVP- Justin Fargas is still getting almost exclusive carries, but still isn't doing anything with them. Dan created a bizzaro league last year where this gist was, a player who plays a ton, but plays very poorly is extremely valuable. Justin Fargas would be a contender for the bizzaro MVP.
Doghouse Dandy- Chad Johnson strikes again. Dan still has to be happy with the fact it only took Torry Holt to get Chad, but can't be happy that Chad has done virtually nothing for him.
10) Longies
Don, you finally made it! Sure you're in the bottom tier still, but at least you aren't twelfth anymore.
There isn't a ton to be excited about with this team, but it is on a two game winning streak, and it does have Eli Manning.
It appears as though Don may be quietly developing another bonafide decent keeper, right under our noses. Kevin Smith (yes, he plays for Detroit) is beginning to play well. He's the undisputed starter for the Lions and he may end up the same for Don next year.
MVP- Eli Manning. The Cards have played well, but the Giants have played better.
LVP- Kevin Faulk. He is a hit or miss guy. I say he misses.
Doghouse Dandy- Roy Williams really needs to grow a pair and start earning his keep.
The 'Co-stanza! It'll Get In Your Head!' Tier
(For teams that you don't quite like but can't quite get out of your head)
9) Bayside Tigers
Matt apparently didn't get the memo that the league doesn't think his team is as bad as his record shows. He felt compelled to create a BCS style ranking system, proving he wasn't terrible. Matt we all believe you, you don't have to convince us!
It's simply another case of the curse of the defending champion.
MVP- Steve Slaton against The Cleve? Count me in!
LVP- Pierre Thomas. I'm underwhelmed with the guy, what can I say?
Doghouse Dandy- Torry Holt. Yikes.
8) CedricBenson4Pres.
Here we sit a week later, and my feelings towards this feisty little bunch Root has assembled haven't changed. I can't help but like this underdeveloped little bunch. Matt Ryan, Marques Colston, Joseph Addai, DeAngelo Williams, Marshawn Lynch and Tim Hightower? I just can't figure it out, but I dig it.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think Ryan will have another tough set of keeper decisions this year. Unlike last year, it's a good thing.
Wow.
MVP- Marshawn Lynch should be able to get things going against KC.
LVP- Tim Hightower. I doubt the Cards run much against the G-Men.
Doghouse Dandy- Ryan is still waiting on Marques Colston's first TD of the year.
The 'I'm Gonna Go All-In Because I Don't Think You Have The Spades' Tier
(For teams that probably don't have what they want you to think they have)
7) Sweep The Leg!!!
Two of the three teams fighting to the bitter end for the final two playoff spots won last week. The Leg wasn't one of them. Strangely STL!!! still finds itself in control of their own playoff destiny as they are 78 points ahead of Reid for the final spot.
Both Sweep and Big Balls have big time match-ups this week. B & B face off against Dan and Reid against Nick. If one wins and the other loses, that may be all she wrote for the loser.
Word on the street is STL!!!'s best player, Reggie Bush, may be returning to action this week.
I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
MVP- Santana Moss is playing Seattle. Enough said.
LVP- If Favre or Garrard plays it will be one of them. If the unthinkable happens and Jeff Garcia starts? I don't even want to think about that one.
Doghouse Dandy- If Bush misses another game it's him. Assuming he starts however, it's Darren McFadden.
6) Big Balls
Reid continued his playoff push last week by kicking the crap out of Dan. I'll be honest, his chances look a little more than decent at this point. He plays Nick this week, and Matt next. Those to have a combined record of 10-12.
B & B have to play Dan this week and Nick the next. Their opponents have a combined record of 12-10.
Kevin sitting one game up on both STL!!! and Big Balls has yet to play Doug and Dan, with a combined record of 12-10.
Needless to say this is going to be a tight one, but as we stand, I'd bet on Reid making the playoffs.
Here's to hoping I'm wrong.
MVP- Kurt Warner. It has to be. I know the Giants abuse opposing QBs, but if Kurt Warner doesn't find a way to put up big numbers regardless, all the junk I mentioned previously will not matter. If Warner doesn't find a way to step up, I don't think Reid beats Nick, and if Reid doesn't beat Nick, he's not going to make the playoffs. I don't see B & B, or Kevin losing two weeks in a row.
LVP- MoJo. I don't see a big game coming up against Minny. Reid Also needs Jones-Drew to step up here and prove me wrong.
Doghouse Dandy- Phillip Rivers, though it's not really his fault. Warner has simply been flat-out out-playing him.
5) TheEvilAnimal Slayer
Just a cruel name all-around, and there's really no other way to say it. Kevin's new names have been mildly entertaining though, so there is that.
I won't bore us all by regurgitating more of the same playoff chase info. Especially since there is virtually no way Kevin will find himself excluded in. Instead I'd like to put my creativity to better use.
If Kevin and Cory were to play
1) GiveMeYour Brady!
2) Bend Over Brady!
3) I'llTomYour Brady!
4) Cory's Big Brady
5) Bye Bye Baby
But in all seriousness. I think it's time to put the Kevin and Cory like each other in that way jokes to rest. Cory's married for cripes sake! YES TO A FEMALE. Enough is enough, let's all find more productive ways to use our energy rather than continuing to recycle the same jokes.
(However if you choose to use your creativity and energy to continue this list with team names of your own in the comments section of this blog, by no means am I here to tell you what you should, or should not do.)
MVP- Either Portis against Seattle or Marshall against Oakland, both are big time players playing against terrible defenses. Kevin should have a huge week, and clinch a playoff berth this week against Nick. Once again, I openly admit I was wrong about Kevin's team at the beginning of the year. His bunch is legit. With another win he will find himself in the next tier.
LVP- Leon Washington because someone has to 'win' this honor.
Doghouse Dandy- Julius Jones is the one player Kevin was wrong in about. He sucks, just plain awful.
4) Karen Franke
As much as I give Kevin props for his own team name idea, I take props away from Nick. Karen Franke is one of the Top-5 worst fantasy football team names I have ever seen in a league I have played in. Yeah it's great she was the teacher before you and Britton. Yada, yada, yada, it's still a poorly chosen fantasy name.
Nick has done a wonderful job taking the last place team from a year ago, and turning it into a playoff team. With that said, I think it's clear his ship has begun to slowing take on water. Any of the potential playoff teams have a shot at beating him, and the most likely candidates are Jerad, Doug, Kevin, and David. I can't see Nick beating any of those four teams.
Still a successful first season. Welcome to the league Nick.
MVP- Anquan Boldin, which bodes well for Reid, as one would assume if Boldin does well Warner will as well. Boldin has been great since returning from injury, and he should keep it up against New York.
LVP- Issac Bruce. Wait... is Nick serious here? Is this a joke? I think he's really going to play Issac Bruce. Wow. Nick I feel you on being a Niner fan, I really do (I'm one too). But still man, Issac Bruce?!?!?
Good Lord.
*Bruce has four fantasy points in the past three weeks.
Doghouse Dandy- Steven Jackson hasn't done anything at all of late.
The 'I'm Your Huckleberry' Tier
(For teams that are good enough to be No. 1)
3) America's Team VII
Has there been a more undervalued top notch team this year? What is this like eight weeks running David has been ranked No. 3 by either Britton, myself or both of us?
I think it's clear that either Jerad or Doug must be favored at this point, but is it that inconceivable to think David can knock those guys off?
Seriously, is it?
/yeah, it probably is.
MVP- Drew Brees. He just keeps putting up numbers.
LVP- Thomas Jones. My gut tells me the Jets try to win this one through the air.
Doghouse Dandy- Tom Brady. Wait... WHAT??? Look, if Brady hadn't gone down in Week 1 Randy Moss would be cappin' fools. So Brady get's the blame.
2) daytwodaddy
Jerad finally lost, and with it fell his number one ranking. He's still a great force, and he still could win it all. But My money's on 'Down and Dirty'.
In other news, Romo and Owens should both eat San Francisco alive. So he has that goin' for him, which is nice.
MVP- Romo & Owens. Take your pick. They will both own SF.
LVP- Willis McGahee because I think Philly comes out with a mean streak after last week.
Doghouse Dandy- Jerad is 10-1. How would he have a guy in his dog house?
The 'You... Beat Me... At Golf?!?!?' Tier
(For a guy who shouldn't lose the rest of the way)
1) Evil Petting Zoo
Doug I have to hand it to you. You had a great week. You beat Jerad, were featured in this week's edition of 'An Evening With' and have rightfully taken your place as the chosen one.
Can you be stopped?
The people are calling out to you Doug. Will you answer the bell?
MVP- LT. He should finally have his coming out party this week. It's about time Tomlinson.
LVP- Frank Gore. I'm telling you, SF is going to have a bad day against Britton's 'boys.
Doghouse Dandy- Doug is on top of the mountain and thanks every last one of his guys for it. He buys his men ice chests full of beer after every game. He is a great owner who everyone desires to play for.
Long live 'Down and Dirty' Doug Downing.
That's it for this week. Don't forget to tell me how much of a jackass I am!
11/17/2008
An Evening With: "Down and Dirty" Doug Downing
Last week, we saw the debut of the 'An Evening With' blog. I kicked things off with a glorious interview with Ryan Root. If you missed it be sure to go check it out after you read this week's edition.
Tonight we have the pleasure of spending a few moments with Doug Downing, the greatest fantasy owner to ever walk the earth (his opinion, not ours).
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you; Doug Downing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BB: Welcome Douglas, welcome. We are honored to have you, and in awe of your fantasy accomplishments. You are known to some in these circles as somewhat of a cocky fellow. Pray tell us, why do you expect that is?
DD: First off, thanks for having us. We are honored to be here. As far as the cockiness goes, I'd have to agree with the statement to a certain extent. I am confident in my decisions and drafts and while my players might underachieve at time, I typically do have a roster to envy. Wow, I'm the A.J. Smith of T-MOF. Great on paper, a little cocky, team that has a tendency to underachieve and a head coach who couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors ... hell, he'd probably stab himself by "accident"
BB: But there is only one of you here; I'm confused. Ah, never the less; say, the Chargers win the super bowl this season, but in order for them to do so, you must spend the next year going to work dressed as a girl. Would you do it? Walk us through your thought process.
DD: First question ... what "girl' am I dressed as? Hillary Clinton in a power suit? Brittany Spears as white trash? Ryan Root? I need the details on that to make a truly educated choice. Second, am I allowed to tell people why? Third, do I get to choose the circumstances of the SuperBowl win? (i.e. - can they shutout the Giants while ripping Eli Manning's limbs from his body?) So yes, Ryan, send me your favorite pumps 'cuz I'm doing it. It's only to work ... I'd just quit my job or work from home to weasel around it.
BB: Absolutely outstanding! Let us say, a beanstalk grows in your backyard; would you climb up? And if so, what would you expect to find?
DD: There is a beanstalk in my backyard and I did climb up it. It contained a city made of clouds and an angry black man mumbling about losing his aluminum falcon or something to some Han Solo guy in a game of sabaac while he was sipping on an amaretto sour and doing a crossword puzzle. It was quite the evening. I miss you, Lando.
BB: If you could spend one day with LaDainian Tomlinson, where would the two of you go?
DD: Disneyland, of course so we could have our pictures taken on Splash Mountain surrounded by Brer Bear and Brer Rabbit, but not Brer Fox. He's a douche bag (i.e - Raider fan). Plus, I'd make him buy me one of those huge turkey legs and the Teacup ride (because he can afford it).
BB: Compare yourself to one of the Looney Toons. How does your choice reflect your management style?
DD: Wile E. Coyote due to my confidence level. I always think of ways to catch that damn roadrunner
BB: You truly are a spectacular individual. You're in a horror movie. Are you the killer, or victim? If the latter is true, how would you be offed?
DD: Both actually. That's the twist. I actually kill myself because my character is like Christian Slater's new show, My Own Worst Enemy. Added bonus: Slater actually plays the role and really kills himself (the same way Kuffs killed his career)
BB: You must join forces with any one manager already in the football league; whom do you choose?
DD: Don because he needs the help and I'm a nice guy like that.
BB: What is your favorite fantasy word?
DD: Rotisserie ... makes me think of Boston Market ... which makes me think of lunch ... I love lunch.
BB: And your least favorite?
DD: Karen Franke
BB: I couldn't agree more with you Douglas. Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a word or phrase and you respond with the first thing that comes to your mind.
BB: Chargers Defense; DD: Sieve
BB: Reggie Bush; DD: Helix sucks
BB: I'm sorry, I didn't specify; in English next time if you will.
BB: Diarrhea; DD: Last night
BB: Fair enough.
BB: Fantasy Karma; DD: Gets me every time
BB: Brett Favre; DD: Brett Favre is the Brett Favre of Brett Favre's
BB: Dan Miller; DD: Last night (again)
BB: Would You Rather; DD: One huge testicle or a dozen normal sized ones
BB: Bill Simmons; DD: Secret online lover
BB: It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?
BB: Little House On The Prairie; DD: One Life to Live
BB: Britton's Mom; DD: Last night (it was an interesting night to say the least)
BB: Moving onto something less creep. If you had the chance to write a feel good Disney original movie about sports, with the catch the lead character must be based on someone in this league, what and who would your movie be about?
DD: Easy. Britton (based a little on Willie Briscoe) leading the 1999-2000 PLNU Crusaders hoops team to the national title over Azusa Pacific. The scene when he shatters the backboard while the play-by-play guy (played by me) goes all Gus Johnson will make you cry. I've actually written this already is you'd like to read it.
BB: I think I can speak for everyone when I say, your script sounds fascinating! If you could go back in time and alter the outcome of any one sporting event over the course of history, which would you and why?
DD: Of course, I'd have the Chargers win SuperBowl XXIX instead of them getting a beat down for the ages. Either that or I would have wanted PLNU to win a national hoops crown back when Britton and I did the games. It would have been way cool to actually call a team winning the title. Remember that trip to Jackson, Tn with Ashleigh, Britton? That was a really cool trip.
BB: That was a wonderful Superbowl. If you could have any eight players across the league, as keepers for your team next year, who who you choose?
DD: Gore, Westbrook, Brees, Barber, Fitzgerald, Tomlinson, Gates and Brandon Marshall ... wow, that's like my team almost ...
BB: An egotist as well as an intellect. Well played Douglas. And finally if you could say anything to anyone, what would you say, and to whom?
DD: I would ask ... no, I would tell P-E Obama to make blocking fantasy websites at work illegal.
Tonight we have the pleasure of spending a few moments with Doug Downing, the greatest fantasy owner to ever walk the earth (his opinion, not ours).
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you; Doug Downing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BB: Welcome Douglas, welcome. We are honored to have you, and in awe of your fantasy accomplishments. You are known to some in these circles as somewhat of a cocky fellow. Pray tell us, why do you expect that is?
DD: First off, thanks for having us. We are honored to be here. As far as the cockiness goes, I'd have to agree with the statement to a certain extent. I am confident in my decisions and drafts and while my players might underachieve at time, I typically do have a roster to envy. Wow, I'm the A.J. Smith of T-MOF. Great on paper, a little cocky, team that has a tendency to underachieve and a head coach who couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors ... hell, he'd probably stab himself by "accident"BB: But there is only one of you here; I'm confused. Ah, never the less; say, the Chargers win the super bowl this season, but in order for them to do so, you must spend the next year going to work dressed as a girl. Would you do it? Walk us through your thought process.
DD: First question ... what "girl' am I dressed as? Hillary Clinton in a power suit? Brittany Spears as white trash? Ryan Root? I need the details on that to make a truly educated choice. Second, am I allowed to tell people why? Third, do I get to choose the circumstances of the SuperBowl win? (i.e. - can they shutout the Giants while ripping Eli Manning's limbs from his body?) So yes, Ryan, send me your favorite pumps 'cuz I'm doing it. It's only to work ... I'd just quit my job or work from home to weasel around it.
BB: Absolutely outstanding! Let us say, a beanstalk grows in your backyard; would you climb up? And if so, what would you expect to find?
DD: There is a beanstalk in my backyard and I did climb up it. It contained a city made of clouds and an angry black man mumbling about losing his aluminum falcon or something to some Han Solo guy in a game of sabaac while he was sipping on an amaretto sour and doing a crossword puzzle. It was quite the evening. I miss you, Lando.
BB: If you could spend one day with LaDainian Tomlinson, where would the two of you go?
DD: Disneyland, of course so we could have our pictures taken on Splash Mountain surrounded by Brer Bear and Brer Rabbit, but not Brer Fox. He's a douche bag (i.e - Raider fan). Plus, I'd make him buy me one of those huge turkey legs and the Teacup ride (because he can afford it).
BB: Compare yourself to one of the Looney Toons. How does your choice reflect your management style?
DD: Wile E. Coyote due to my confidence level. I always think of ways to catch that damn roadrunner
BB: You truly are a spectacular individual. You're in a horror movie. Are you the killer, or victim? If the latter is true, how would you be offed?
DD: Both actually. That's the twist. I actually kill myself because my character is like Christian Slater's new show, My Own Worst Enemy. Added bonus: Slater actually plays the role and really kills himself (the same way Kuffs killed his career)
BB: You must join forces with any one manager already in the football league; whom do you choose?
DD: Don because he needs the help and I'm a nice guy like that.
BB: What is your favorite fantasy word?
DD: Rotisserie ... makes me think of Boston Market ... which makes me think of lunch ... I love lunch.
BB: And your least favorite?
DD: Karen Franke
BB: I couldn't agree more with you Douglas. Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a word or phrase and you respond with the first thing that comes to your mind.
BB: Chargers Defense; DD: SieveBB: Reggie Bush; DD: Helix sucks
BB: I'm sorry, I didn't specify; in English next time if you will.
BB: Diarrhea; DD: Last night
BB: Fair enough.
BB: Fantasy Karma; DD: Gets me every time
BB: Brett Favre; DD: Brett Favre is the Brett Favre of Brett Favre's
BB: Dan Miller; DD: Last night (again)
BB: Would You Rather; DD: One huge testicle or a dozen normal sized ones
BB: Bill Simmons; DD: Secret online lover
BB: It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?
BB: Little House On The Prairie; DD: One Life to Live
BB: Britton's Mom; DD: Last night (it was an interesting night to say the least)
BB: Moving onto something less creep. If you had the chance to write a feel good Disney original movie about sports, with the catch the lead character must be based on someone in this league, what and who would your movie be about?
DD: Easy. Britton (based a little on Willie Briscoe) leading the 1999-2000 PLNU Crusaders hoops team to the national title over Azusa Pacific. The scene when he shatters the backboard while the play-by-play guy (played by me) goes all Gus Johnson will make you cry. I've actually written this already is you'd like to read it.
BB: I think I can speak for everyone when I say, your script sounds fascinating! If you could go back in time and alter the outcome of any one sporting event over the course of history, which would you and why?
DD: Of course, I'd have the Chargers win SuperBowl XXIX instead of them getting a beat down for the ages. Either that or I would have wanted PLNU to win a national hoops crown back when Britton and I did the games. It would have been way cool to actually call a team winning the title. Remember that trip to Jackson, Tn with Ashleigh, Britton? That was a really cool trip.
BB: That was a wonderful Superbowl. If you could have any eight players across the league, as keepers for your team next year, who who you choose?
DD: Gore, Westbrook, Brees, Barber, Fitzgerald, Tomlinson, Gates and Brandon Marshall ... wow, that's like my team almost ...BB: An egotist as well as an intellect. Well played Douglas. And finally if you could say anything to anyone, what would you say, and to whom?
DD: I would ask ... no, I would tell P-E Obama to make blocking fantasy websites at work illegal.
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